Virginity and the Wedding Night

In the early twentieth century, over 80 percent of brides were estimated to have entered marriage as virgins. By about 1960, the statistics had reversed—about 80 percent of brides entered marriage having lost their virginity. By 2000, over 95 percent had been estimated to have lost their virginity before the time of marriage. (One can only guess how much this percentage has grown today, several years later.)

Contraception

The subject of The Wedding Night automatically involves the question of contraception. By now, the reader understands that sex has much greater meaning than merely continuing the human race. So, is family planning wrong? In other words, is the use of contraception permissible?

What does God’s Word reveal?

Before addressing other questions, some have claimed that the Old Testament account, found in Genesis 38:1-30, of Onan spilling his seed on the ground, rather than impregnating his brother’s widow, presents positive proof that couples should not use contraceptives. Let’s understand what really happened here.

The Old Testament contained a law mandating that if a husband died, his brother would marry the widow. A child born to this couple would be considered a child of the deceased husband. Summarized in Deuteronomy 25:5-10, this was God’s command to ensure the continuation of families in the nation of Israel.

However, in this account, Onan prevented conception during intercourse, because he knew the child would not be considered his, but rather the offspring of his brother (Gen. 38:9). This was not family planning—prudent contraception. The account records God executing Onan because he did not obey His law and provide a son for his new wife. It is not addressing contraception, and is far from proof that using it is wrong.

To wisely plan a family and the timing of childbirth is prudent! This necessarily involves the use of contraceptives, which in no way violates God’s Law. On the contrary, this is a responsibility of every couple, especially in light of the expense of raising a child. Also, Paul wrote, “If any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an [unbeliever]” (I Tim. 5:8).

Over one billion professing Christians are taught that contraception is wrong because their leaders do not understand the God-ordained purposes of sex. They are told to practice the “rhythm method.” This is gross hypocrisy, as it starts with the premise that sex for any other purpose than procreation is wrong, yet provides parishioners a way to be able to “beat the system.” (Also, we must consider that so-called rhythm is a relatively unreliable form of birth control. Fear of becoming pregnant too early creates an atmosphere of nervousness and inhibition that harms lovemaking, particularly for young couples.)

God’s servants need not take this approach. There are several kinds of effective contraceptives, and sometimes, to be certain to avoid pregnancy, more than one method can be used at the same time.

The condom, used by the husband, is probably the most effective method and the easiest to use. The man should familiarize himself with these before The Wedding Night.

There are also many spermicidal gels and foams that a woman may employ. These are sometimes preferable to a condom, particularly when the risk of pregnancy is low due to time elapsed since a woman’s ovulation—the period of peak fertility. One must be cautious, however, due to the chance of adverse chemical reactions to various spermicides.

Some women prefer to be fitted with a diaphragm, because of the advantage of allowing for more spontaneity than do other methods.

The intrauterine device (IUD) is actually much more often an abortifacient—an agent that causes an abortion—rather than functioning as a contraceptive. It affects the lining of the uterus, which leads to termination of the already-fertilized ovum, meaning that it interrupted—killed—a life that had begun!

Finally, other methods of birth control, such as the Pill, the transdermal birth control Patch, and the Ring, alter a woman’s hormone levels, thereby affecting ovum production, thickness of the cervical lining, and production of cervical mucus. These methods are associated with substantial side effects, and also act as abortifacients in a percentage of each user’s monthly cycles.

Understand—abortion is plain, premeditated MURDER! A Christian would never use a method of contraception in which there is even the tiniest possibility that this humanly-sanctioned SIN could be committed! (The list of related literature at the book’s end references a detailed publication about abortion that we offer.)

It is beyond the purpose of this book to discuss in detail all the available types of contraception. Those who are preparing for marriage are strongly encouraged to carefully research this topic. Physicians may also be consulted.

This astounding trend tells much about the direction of modern society, and it must be addressed here because it can have a bearing on The Wedding Night. In light of the above statistics, less than 1 in 16 of the brides of only a little above a 100 years ago would withhold themselves today. In other words, 16 in 20 who were virgins has been replaced by less than 1 in 20 now.

But the message today is actually worse than the statistical shift. At the beginning of the last century, those who had lost their virginity were considered to have “lost their honour,” whereas by the year 2000, the very mention of virginity came to be met with scorn. Instead of being a badge of honour, virginity now had to be guarded with anonymity to avoid derision.

If a virgin did not wisely conceal her purity, worse than merely being labelled “goody two shoes,” she would be the subject of scorn and ridicule, and even lampooning, from promiscuous friends. Of course, today it is worse. There are however, still a very, very few women who have the courage to declare that they have kept themselves for their future husband. These were able to keep the big picture in mind. In the end, these were the true winners, and all others the losers.

This leads to the following scripture, which strongly indicts modern society. Notice: “And judgment is turned away backward, and justice stands afar off: for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. Yes, truth fails; and he that departs from evil makes himself a prey: and the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no judgment” (Isa. 59:14-15).

The time is soon coming—when the restoration of the GOVERNMENT OF GOD has been established on earth—in which evil and wickedness will, once again, be considered shameful. Righteousness will be the only acceptable way—not something that has to be covered up to avoid the scorn of this world.

For the young bride to present herself as a virgin to her husband in holy matrimony, and for the man to be willing to do the same thing that he hopes for in her, is most noble in God’s sight. Once again, the world will one day come to value this understanding, and do so far more than was done 100 (or 1,000!) years ago, when 20 percent were still willing to violate social acceptance.

In times when morality was still highly esteemed, the presentation of a bride as a virgin to the one who would be her lifelong husband stood as a milestone representing virtue and honour. This highlight in the bride’s life—when she should be experiencing the pinnacle of elation and wearing virginity as a badge of honour—revolves around the wedding and The Wedding Night. It is the preserving of her purity that opens the way for joy and greater fulfilment in married life.

Certainly, again, it has always been God’s intent that purity be maintained by both parties until the wedding. This presentation of honour by the bride and the groom is part of the spiritual fulfilment of The Wedding Night. Recall that the wedding on the human plane is a direct type of when Christ, who will be perfectly pure and sinless, marries His bride, the Church, who will have made herself ready “not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing; but...holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27).

The rest of this chapter has needed to be written from the perspective of virgins who are reading and seeking to apply it. While it can still be very helpful to all others, for obvious reasons, this is the audience to whom it must be written.