The Right Approach

There are many wrong approaches to teaching your children about sex. Among them are when parents try to speak in the language of young people. Do not try to be popular with your children or teens by showing that you know and will use the wrong terms for sex organs and sex relations, used by their peers.

Of course, people use various slang terms and names for the genitals and sex functions of the human body—and the sheer volume of the filthy, lust-driven, “inventive” string of clichés and vernacular phrases and terms defies description—but this book has used proper medical and proper anatomical terminology.

It is not important that your children think you “cool” because of your choice of words or terms, but rather that they know you bring a clear and genuine voice of authority where others do not. Never lose focus on how you must stand out as different from all of the other voices your children are hearing.

It is best, when teaching children, that parents always use the proper terms when explaining sex, not words of their own making—although they should always, of course, be cognizant of the age of their children when they are doing this.

The wise and loving parent takes the time to teach his or her children about sexual function and purpose. Few areas of preparation for adulthood could be more important for a child to understand than that of the role and function of the sexes. To leave your children without proper training, knowledge and understanding about what it means to be male or female, and to eventually be a husband or wife with a family, where sex is inseparable from their lives, is a grave injustice.

How many are the teenagers (and now preteens in greater and greater numbers) who have no comprehension that sex is not for indiscriminate gratification or for the mere fulfilment of animal drive and lust—that they have been given the awe-inspiring gift of sex within marriage by their Creator? When understood, how many millions and millions of young people have ruined their lives because their parents did not teach them about sex? Consider your own circumstances for a moment. Do you have regrets about sexual mistakes you have made?—mistakes that, had you been properly instructed by your parents, you could have avoided?—that caused suffering and heartache in your life? If so, determine that your children will never have to feel as you did, and perhaps still do, because you did not carry out your duty.

The Great Tragedy

Tragically, many parents feel embarrassed, and even ashamed, to teach their children about sex. Of equal tragedy, many parents were never taught about sex by their own parents, and either do not know that they should teach their children about it or do not know how! Then, by the time many figure out that they should have been teaching their children, it is too late—and they have become grandparents, or parents, of a child with a sexually transmitted disease, among numerous other consequences.

There was a time when parents were much more concerned that their children did not receive what was once generally referred to as the “drugstore” version of sex. My father certainly referenced this term to me, and wanted me to be sure that I felt free to ask him questions about sex whenever I needed to. He called these discussions “man-to-man talks,” and he began them with me when I was about eight years old, with these wonderful, father-son discussions continuing until I went to college, and even beyond.

I will never forget the time he told me that we needed to have our first man-to-man talk about sex, and how he followed up his introduction by asking me if I had any “questions” about sex. I remember just as well the very first question that I asked him—and it was a very childlike, innocent and quite humorous one. (Propriety tells me that we do not have space for it here.)

These fond memories have had a lasting impression on me, and they will do the same for your children. In my case, they led to a lifelong habit of being able to freely discuss absolutely anything with my father—literally conversation without boundaries.

It is absolutely crucial that you take all the necessary time that you and your children need to be sure that they learn about the subject of sex and marriage from the right perspective—always and only God’s perspective!—or they will surely hear the wrong version, with the wrong perspective, and this will almost certainly lead to all kinds of wrong CONSEQUENCES!

One towering principle must always be a part of parenting and is absolutely critical to employ as children grow older—and actually it is an atmosphere that parents must foster. They must know and understand that they can come to you when they have questions—especially regarding sex. To do this, you must be certain to never quash or set aside questions, considering them “indecent” or “stupid” or being asked “too early.” Try to show your children that their questions are important to you and that you enjoy taking the time to answer them. If they are very young, find a right explanation that they can understand.

As they get older, you can begin to provide a more detailed explanation. Of course, you must use wisdom in this, but they must understand that they can and should—and even must—come to you when they have questions. Create an open environment and relationship with your children that makes this feel as natural and comfortable as possible. Also be certain to teach them that the subject of sex is not something they should be talking about with others.

Both fathers and mothers must take an active role in the sexual instruction of their sons and daughters. It is a responsibility that is inseparable from the decision to have children. And this vital duty simply cannot be left to others.