Begin at a Young Age

Children can and actually must begin to learn the fundamentals of sex at a young age. However, the question is often asked: What could possibly be taught regarding sex at an age as young as three or four and be beneficial? And, how could that even be considered “appropriate”? This requires explanation.

Each subject in school involves first learning certain “basics.” In math, before understanding higher-level calculus, a student must first learn and understand how to add two plus two before then moving on to the successive levels of arithmetic, algebra, geometry, trigonometry, calculus, and possibly beyond. Each level builds on the one before and is necessary to advance to the next level.

This principle also directly applies to learning about sex.

A parent must break down the subject of sex and marriage into concepts even a child can understand. The “basics” of the subject would first be to explain who and what is God. At a very young age, this would have to be carefully explained in simple terms so that a child can understand. He or she must know about God before even beginning to understand what He created—including sex. (Our extensive THE STORY OF THE BIBLE series—with seven volumes—and our Children’s Bible Lessons—with twelve lessons, and for children kindergarten through sixth grade—would certainly aid you in this.)

Therefore, at a young age, begin to explain the creation—what God made and how He made it. This leads to the creation of man. Then, explain that Adam needed a wife and that a husband and wife are the beginning of a family.

Then, at some point, continue with the most basic starting points by telling your son that “you are a little boy,” and what this means, and your daughter that “you are a little girl,” and what this means, in terms of anatomy. Explain to your children that they will one day grow up to look like Mommy or Daddy. This would obviously include explaining the differences between siblings of the opposite sex.

Your children will notice that they are not the same. (My parents told stories of my baths at a very young age with my older sister [13 months older]. They enjoyed relating to us later how my sister and I noticed differences between us, and the cute kind of little child comments both of us made, once we understood we were not exactly the same.)

Also at some point, in simple terms, explain where babies—including your child—come from. When a mother is pregnant, it can be the perfect opportunity to explain to a child where he or she came from. Talk to your children about the development of babies in the womb. Make it as real as possible—and exciting to the child. Be sure to tie it (very discreetly) to what Mommy and Daddy did to make this possible. Then always tie this—and everything—back to God’s great Plan to expand His Family. Of course, all of this should be carefully tailored to the age of the child.

As is apparent, all of the above concepts are very basic. However, they will form the foundation for the correct understanding of sex necessary for a growing child.

As children grow older, build a more detailed picture. Talk about families and the relationships within them, while always keeping everything connected to God as Creator. Also explain what true love is and the different forms it can take and perhaps talk in terms of how God has this for all His children, and “Daddy” and “Mommy” have it for each other. Then, in very basic terms, begin to explain some of the concepts mentioned in the early chapters of this book.

Teenagers and Puberty

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when prudery would have needed to be addressed in more detail than today before an adult could be ready for sex in marriage. While of less concern now, it can still present a problem. A century ago, “Victorian prudery” was a major problem. Actually, it was the norm, and therefore many had no idea that it was really a problem. However, we have seen the world has jumped into the opposite ditch—anything and everything “goes” when it comes to sex.

Teenagers develop physically long before they are fully developed mentally, which includes emotionally and psychologically. This is evidenced by the fact that, in most countries, one is not considered an adult until age 18, cannot serve in the military until this age, cannot vote or smoke until that same age, cannot drink until they are 21, cannot rent a car without special, added insurance until they are 25, etc. Well-documented studies have demonstrated that young people are still developing mentally until their mid-twenties.

However, physical development comes much more quickly. Girls and boys experience puberty in their early teens, and even these changes are happening at younger ages because of various causes in the environment, and in society today. Parents must prepare their children—and themselves!—for this event. Teenagers will think that they have become “grown up” when they reach puberty, and they must be prepared in advance to recognize that they still have a long way to go before adulthood. They must continue to be taught by their parents throughout this period.

With this stage in a teenager’s life comes a strong word of caution: Teens will begin to be attracted to the opposite sex. Yours will be no different. Never permit intimacy to enter any of your child’s relationships prior to marriage. Recognize that the world is waiting to ambush young people—and parents must work to prevent this, or they will themselves be blindsided! Parents will have to watch like the proverbial “hawk” to head off a child’s natural tendency to move in this direction.

Be on the lookout—and tell your children that you are. Teenagers could easily think you are old-fashioned to act in such a way. But, if you have worked with your own children from a young age, they will be prepared. If parents do not work at this from the beginning, they will quickly find that the teenage years are much too late to start!

Parents can prepare by reading all the materials we produce that have been mentioned throughout the book. Remember that it will not be easy to keep young people from going toward the trap of fornication. Such is the age in which your children live. A simple “don’t do that” will not be close to enough. Determine to continue to guide and to actively work with them throughout this most challenging period.