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Next Part LETTER 3.Letters to a Young Wife,from a Married Lady'.
LETTER II.
My Dear Lizzie,
I hardly know whether pleasure or pain was the uppermost feeling of my mind, while reading your reply to my last letter. You have some secret disappointment preying upon your young and thus far happy heart; and although you speak favorably of your new duties: as a wife, still there is not that 'rose color' about your descriptions of the present, which used to tinge those of the future.
You have felt already, have you not, that the world has interests for your husband other than those connected with yourself — that he can be very happy even when you are not present to share his happiness? You are not the first, dear Lizzie, who has been thus awakened from an exquisite dream of love. Yet do not repine nor fret, for that will only increase your sorrow, but reason with yourself. Think how many claims there are upon your husband's time and society — claims to which he must bow, if he wishes to retain the position he now holds. Before your marriage, you were the all-engrossing object of his thoughts — all that he depended upon for happiness. There was all the excitement of winning you for his wife, which caused him for a time to forego every other pleasure which might interfere with this one great object. But now that is all over. Like all others, he must proceed onward, and ever look forward to something yet to be attained.
You say that he has left you alone one whole evening, and that you punished him for it, by appearing very much offended when he returned. Now, dear Lizzie, was that the way tocure him of not appreciating your society? By making yourself thus disagreeable upon his return — would he not rather delay that return another time?
Think over what I have written, and when he is obliged to leave you again — wear no sullen frowns, nor gloomy looks, but part from him with smiles and pleasant words; amuse yourself during his absence with your books, your music, your work; make everything around you wear a cheerful look to welcome him home; and believe me, he will appreciate the kindness which is thus free from selfishness.
A man's home must ever be a sunny place to him — and it should be a wife's most pleasant duty to drive forever from his hearth-side, those hideous sister spirits: discontent andgloomy peevishness.
This way that young wives have of punishing their husbands — always comes back upon themselves with double force. Any man, however unreasonable he appears — may be influenced by kindly words and happy smiles; and there is not one, however affectionate and domestic, that will not be driven away by sullen frowns and discontented looks.
Do not allow, my dear girl, these feelings of gloom and sadness to grow upon you. Believe me, you can overcome them if you will, and now is the time for you to exert all your power of self-control.
I know there is much to make a young married woman sad. Before many days of wedded life are past, she begins to feel the difference between the lover and the husband. Shemisses that entire devotion to her every whim and caprice, which is so delightful; that all-absorbed attention to her every trifling word; that impressiveness of manner which is flattering and pleasing — and she almost imagines that she is a most miserable, neglected person.
This is a trying moment for a young and sensitive woman, but if she only reasons with herself, and resolves to yield no place in her spirits to feelings of repining, she will be happier — far happier with her husband as he is, than were he to retain all the devotion of the lover.
I know this seems difficult to believe — but reflect a moment. Suppose your husband should remain just the same as he was before marriage — should give up all other society for you, should be constantly repeating his words of love, constantly hanging around you, watching your every step, living upon your very breath as it were? Do you not agree with me, in thinking that all this would after awhile become very tiresome? Would you not get weary of such a perpetual display of affection, and would you feel any pride in a husband who made no advancement in the world, even though it were given up for you? No, no! Think this all over, and you will see that it is just as well for you to relinquish his society sometimes; that is — if you welcome his return with a happy face.
Try my experiment, dear, when next he leaves you, and write me the result. Adieu for awhile.
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