Must Resist Society’s Pulls
Next Part Proper Atmosphere
Back to Sex Its Unknown Dimension
Back to By David C. Pack
Those who seek to obey God cannot allow society’s perceptions, values—and extreme temptations—to pull them down. Adultery and fornication are still sin, as is intimacy short of coitus, regardless of what television, movies and music declare, and, despite the growing popularity and acceptance of homosexuality, God’s Word has always clearly shown that this act is also abominable and sinful.
Anything that perverts or undermines God’s intended creative purpose for marriage, and for stable and loving families capable of producing balanced children, is a distortion of His perfect plan for all mankind, to include every human being.
When a husband ventures to have an affair outside of marriage, his perception of his mate radically changes, and usually fast. His wife is no longer attractive to him in the same way. The sexual attraction toward her—the wonderful chemistry once between them—quickly fades until it no longer exists. All these changes take place in the mind of the mate who cheats.
The fact that a cheating husband no longer desires his faithful wife is the direct result of a LAW in action. Upon breaking his marriage covenant, the offending husband (or wife) is assaulting the marvellous God-plane relationship given them. He can no longer appreciate what God has given them, and his heart is tragically turned away from his lifelong companion. Even if he comes to regret it—of course, many do—and wishes to have the former relationship back, with few exceptions, husbands find that they cannot “turn back the clock.”
Of course, wives are no different. Make no mistake. The number of wives now committing adultery—approximately 50 percent—is also at epidemic levels. Everything that has been explained here, regarding what husbands have more traditionally been guilty of, now applies almost equally to women.
The sin of adultery is an absolutely heinous crime against another human being and, worse, it often carries dire consequences for other innocent people who are connected to the relationship—most often children, but also aging parents and even grandparents or grandchildren suffer as well.
Even fornication—sex before marriage—takes away from the future relationship of a couple who go on to get married. Yet, today, practically every engaged couple fornicates as almost a matter of routine. This is because they all know that it is the norm—that it is expected, because everybody else is doing it, and nobody is really telling them it is wrong or giving them a reason not to. The unknown dimension in sex explained in this book is not being taught anywhere else.
Although it is possible for one to still be happy in marriage when there has been fornication together, the sanctity of marriage is nonetheless scarred in such a way that something is lost in the relationship. The union is robbed of the potential level of fuller happiness that would have otherwise been possible.
Contents
Common Fallacy
Here are some important additional points that represent a common fallacy and certain detrimental approaches to marital happiness and fulfilment:
It is an utter fallacy to believe, as many do, that necking and petting are exclusively reserved for dating and pre-marital courting, that they are acceptable at this point. Such people have wrongly believed that these are innocent activities that will largely be no longer necessary in marriage, and are mainly reserved for teenagers or young adults who are dating. Both ideas are wrong.
Another approach that can dramatically dampen sexual relations, particularly in the woman, is the fear of unwanted pregnancy. This fear can easily be dispelled by a proper understanding of how to plan parenthood, through use of contraceptives, and this will be carefully discussed in a later inset.
Manners, Grooming and Hygiene
Many today become careless and allow themselves to neglect etiquette, common courtesy, proper manners and good grooming after marriage (many now ignore these things all the time—in or out of marriage). Failure to give these things the proper importance that they deserve in your marriage will cheapen the marriage by bringing in a wrong spirit, one that is contrary to the way of love. Forgetting these things demonstrates a lack of respect and appreciation for your mate, and helps promote the tendency to take him or her for granted.
Always strive to be respectful and conscientious about one’s appearance and conduct in the presence of the other mate. Never forget the enormous importance of always being clean and well-kept, not unkempt, as your very beginning approach to lovemaking. It is crucial to remember that almost nothing is a greater “turn-off” than body odour, bad breath, unclipped nails, unshaven face or female menstrual odour. Both husband and wife should also remember the importance of combing the hair, even before sex in the morning!
Related to this is the option of wearing special perfumes by women and possibly colognes by men. These can serve to enhance the overall pleasantness, and feelings of enjoyment, of the occasion. Possibly several kinds could be alternated for couples who enjoy them.
Manners and good grooming go a long way in the bedroom—and this applies to men and women! (We will momentarily return to another aspect of grooming.)
Never Defraud Sexually
A related point arises, and it leads to the next section. Earlier in the book, we saw that Paul explained how husbands and wives have come under the “power” of their mates once marriage has occurred (I Cor. 7:4). Remember, your bodies no longer belong to you, but rather to each other. To defraud your mate sexually is wrong.
Perhaps one of the very worst SINS that either mate in a marriage can commit is to withhold sex. This can be due to selfishness, a desire to punish the mate for some real or perceived wrong, or for any number of other reasons. Other than the reasons of poor health or sickness, unusual, extreme exhaustion, or the only very rare “I am not in the mood” response mentioned earlier, this must not be done. Any who follow the pattern of sexually defrauding in a marriage, and this is only more typical of women than men, could actually be at least partly responsible before God for any adultery that results, and certainly responsible for the divorce that can ensue if the defrauding continues.
Take Care of Yourself Physically
The last section leads to its own related point. It is incumbent on husbands and wives to take care of their own bodies, and in so doing, in light of I Corinthians 7:4, they have actually taken care of what has, after marriage, become their mate’s body.
Sadly, and this has turned into a recurring tragedy of millions of times when used as an excuse to commit adultery, the dating and courtship period was the only time couples concerned themselves with not being overweight and staying “in shape.” With obesity and muscular flabbiness veritable social plagues today, and with bad nutrition and the high-speed, stress-filled society making it more difficult to exercise, this will take extra work for the couple who understands that they must continue to care about these things. In taking care of one’s body, you are actually caring about your mate's body!
Take care of yourself physically! Carefully watch your weight and overall appearance. Both mates have a duty to take care of the body that God gave them. Watching and maintaining one’s health can even improve sexual performance. Of course, babies change a woman’s shape, and this is true of some women more than others. Husbands must be understanding of this, but wives must not permit this to be an excuse to simply “let themselves go.”
Obviously, wrinkles and aging are also normal phases of life. Husbands, in particular, must be careful not to belittle or denigrate their wives for what is natural to every human being. Few things will more hurt—and turn off!—a woman than belittling her about what she cannot control. Finally, there can be times when either husband or wife may need to point out in an encouraging way that there needs to be some improvement in one or more aspects of things mentioned in the last several sections. Christianity is about changing and sometimes this can be in areas pertaining to sex and the bedroom.
It should go without saying that one should never pick the lovemaking setting as the time to do this. If you do, you will quickly learn that some other activity must be available on short notice, because this part of the evening will have been ruined!