During Engagement—Still No Necking and Petting

Next Part Virginity and the Wedding Night

We discussed in an earlier chapter that the supposedly innocent act of necking and petting, of itself, is also in violation of the Seventh Commandment. Of course, again, most today would laugh at, even ridicule, such a “prudish and old-fashioned” statement. But it should now be abundantly clear that the Eternal God ordained in His perfect wisdom all the elements of lovemaking to be integrated—to work together—through all the phases of the sexual relationship.

Those who violate any facet of this law by practicing this conduct before marriage are also guilty of fornication and are opening themselves up for curses here and now, as well as robbing themselves of the full measure of true marital bliss that God makes possible for those who do not scar their potential of reaping His blessings. This simply cannot be emphasized too strongly.

The perceptions of sex appeal and arousal were carefully designed by the Master Designer to strengthen the marriage bond. These interactive drives can and should, if the principles contained here are applied, increase what is to be the ever-growing mutual love existing between the husband and wife. The intimate husband-wife sexual relationship, and all of the tender caresses and erotic playfulness involved in foreplay is reserved for the marriage bed (Heb. 13:4)—and bond. And the sanctity of this covenant, because the parents will remain together, preserves the children of the marriage, as well as the entire family structure.

Those who seek to obey God cannot allow society’s perceptions and values to pull them down. Adultery and fornication are still sin, regardless of what movies and the hypnotic message of today’s rotten music lyrics declare.

(Much more detailed information about permissible conduct during the engagement period is carefully explained in Dating and Courtship – God’s Way.)

Dispelling Misconceptions

Before discussing The Wedding Night, it is crucial that we both review and clear up a few widely-held misconceptions that potential brides and grooms often carry with them into marriage, and obviously carry into their first night.

I mentioned earlier that some have the erroneous idea that the relative sizes of their sex organs could lead to problems of incompatibility. In fact, some have used this argument to justify the need for premarital sex to confirm future compatibility—that they need to try each other on for size, like shoes.

As explained, sex organs can vary in size, just as can one’s height and weight, or size of hands and feet. Yet, the relative size of those organs has no bearing whatsoever upon being properly mated, or on whether “satisfaction” can take place.

Remember, the very smallest vagina is capable of stretching to accommodate the passage of a baby’s head. Therefore, it will easily accommodate whatever size the penis may be. An intelligent God would have anticipated what human minds could worry about, and design the flexibility of the vaginal membrane to ensure loving couples would not be unfairly “ambushed,” as it were, by what they could not possibly know unless they had fornicated to find out. Thus, the erroneous idea of organ size compatibility is utterly unfounded. Whatever adaptations are required, the couple will be able to easily acclimate to each other without undue complications.

If the minds “fit,” so will the sex organs!

Anticipating Pain

Another common misconception shared by brides in the past is fear of pain or injury during initial, or even later, sexual intercourse. These young women usually had heard stories of how some brides experienced pain upon penetration of the husband’s penis. Such incidences could, most likely, have come about by the ignorance of one or both parties as to the need for preliminary lovemaking to ensure proper lubrication prior to intercourse.

Any cases of pain or injury for the woman generally occur when the husband recklessly barges forward in total disregard for his wife’s feelings and readiness. Invariably, in such cases, the husband’s only concern was his own gratification.

We have seen in Chapter Nine that time must be allowed for the wife to achieve arousal. Then, and only then, should the husband proceed with care, having consideration for the wife.

We saw that another misconception held by some wives in the past is that the woman has to experience an orgasm in order to become pregnant, and that this is false. The phenomenon of female orgasm is completely independent of the very separate phenomenon of pregnancy, which depends solely upon whether a sperm cell unites with the ovum, and can reach implantation.

What is necessary for pregnancy is simply that male semen reaches the vagina. As mentioned earlier, the sperm has incredible mobility and endurance (remember it is, in a sense, specially battery-powered), with some spermatozoa remarkably able to find their way down the long journey to the uterus and Fallopian tube.

False Notion

Another common misconception, this one by young men, is that sexual inactivity will reduce sexual vitality later. This is simply ridiculous and is merely human reasoning at work, trying to devise an excuse for masturbation and/or fornication, in other words, sexual activity before marriage.

Let’s understand. The Creator intended for the man to have time to reach maturity and to prepare for his career choice—his lifelong vocation—before entering marriage. This often requires years (sometimes many years) of patient work and preparation. The notion that one has to be sexually active prior to marriage is a satanic falsehood. The Creator of the human body knew exactly what He was doing, and never placed any kind of deadline upon marrying within a certain timeframe—merely because one has reached puberty.

Recognizing that physical maturity long precedes mental and emotional maturity sufficient for marriage (this was explained earlier), God created a certain natural means of relief of tension and build-up of seminal fluid through a process that has been called “nocturnal emission,” which occurs during sleep (one may or may not wake up during this occurrence). Therefore, one’s ability for reproduction does not die by practicing continence or abstinence, but rather stays alive in a dormant state until marriage—exactly as God intended. Meanwhile, and God also designed this to be the case, each man is to develop self-discipline in practicing abstinence until he has prepared himself for marriage.

Proverbs 24:27 tells all future husbands to “Prepare your work without, and make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterwards build your house,” meaning to diligently prepare first, and afterwards get married.

This passage reveals the God-intended phase of all-important, vital preparation in order to be able to support a wife and a growing family. Whether this involves extended education or acquiring a trade or starting a business, one should do this in obedience to God’s command. There will be no accompanying loss of sexual vitality or suffering of any kind of atrophy.

In light of Proverbs 24:27, regarding sex, the saying is probably never more true that “Good things come to those who wait.”

Conversely, and strangely, some have thought that engagement in sexual activity during marriage will reduce a man’s overall vitality and stamina. Athletes were once told to abstain from sexual activity just prior to competition for this reason. It has been discovered that there is no link whatever between male ejaculation and the loss of any kind of vital energy in a way that would limit duties or labour that a man could carry out. This is but another way that Satan’s world has listened to baseless notions, intended to counter God’s purpose for sex.