Chapter Eleven – The Wedding Night

Next Part During Engagement—Still No Necking and Petting

Perhaps the most anticipated single night of one’s entire life would be that of The Wedding Night. Sadly, for so many millions of couples, it is just another night of the same thing that has already been occurring between them, and that probably occurred with others before that.

For those who have waited for The Wedding Night—this most special of moments—there has been preparation on top of anticipation, with this on top of great expectation for what this evening will bring. Ideally, this night unlike any other will have been preceded by the proper length and period of engagement.

Some vital points remain.

Many have different ideas as to what liberty or restraint should characterize the engagement period. Once a couple is engaged to be married, many wonder if they are now morally free to engage in sexual intercourse. Most no longer wonder and simply plough ahead, with society adding, “Of course, they can. They can do anything they want.” Then there are the others who claim that premarital experimenting actually serves to better prepare the couple for marriage. Is this true?

We have seen that, from the beginning, the Creator of mankind has declared the absolute sanctity of marriage, having directly devoted to it two of the Ten Commandments—those pertaining to adultery and covetousness. He has decreed that men and women are not to commit adultery or to fornicate. And we have also seen that He commanded this for good reason.

The breaking of this law brings automatic curses and unexpected disappointments. The keeping and upholding of it preserves the only way to the indescribable joy and peace that marriage can be, and to a kind of wonderful stability that so few enjoy today. No different than the law of gravity, those who work in harmony with God’s great SPIRITUAL Law remain safe, while those who break it suffer inevitable damage.

Fornication Is Unique Among Sins

Some important review from the last chapter and before: The Bible declares that the sin of premarital sex, called fornication, is unlike any other—that it produces a special kind of emotional, psychological and even mental “scarring.”

Again, fornication is unique—truly different—from all other transgressions of God’s Law. The nature of what is occurring in this act impacts both the body and the mind in a way that no other sin can, and we saw that it does this in two distinct ways.

Understanding this crucial fact, it should be of no surprise then that research studies show that those who have yielded to the temptation of sexual intercourse with their future mate are less well-adjusted than those who chose the way of restraint until marriage. Many who gave in to that temptation were not only guilt-ridden, but significantly less trusting of their mates—and for good reason. One so readily prone to violate the laws of God would not find it difficult to violate the trust of his or her mate. Mutual trust has to be practiced, built upon and maintained, whether alone or in the sight of each other—and marriage is entered with each partner seeing this as a way of life.

Adultery and fornication constitute PLAIN SIN, and sin always brings curses in life. Wilful obedience puts one in harmony with laws that are active and real. The Maker of mankind has established marriage and places His blessings on such marriages that honour Him by their obedience to His laws. It is to the benefit of all to make every effort to get into harmony with those laws and reap the blessings for obedience.

By keeping the engagement relationship pure, a couple is reserving for itself untarnished joy of wholesomeness and purity. The bride can and should look forward to the wedding as the pinnacle of her girlhood dreams. To tarnish these lofty dreams by premarital intercourse is to sell short this long-term God-plane relationship and degrade it for the sake of temporary self-gratification.

Once one understands the spiritual parallels of human reproduction and marriage, that individual is far less prone to helplessly fall headlong into uncontrolled passion and lust. Understanding these incredible parallels helps one to more deeply appreciate the fascinating Plan of God, and to have a healthy fear of dismissing this understanding in deference to sexual relations during engagement.

This gives added meaning to the proverb, “...by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil” (Prov. 16:6). The decision between having sexual relations with the espoused mate and waiting until marriage is essentially a decision between putting a permanent stigma on the marriage and crippling it before it begins, or to reserve this God-ordained relationship for the pure and wholesome institution that it could be—while at the same time insuring years and decades of joy and fulfilment.

Remember, most people just go along with the weaklings in the crowd, those who are too foolish and ignorant to exhibit character. Taking the path of least resistance, they are happy to float downstream and end up wherever the current takes them. Be willing to be different—swim against the current! Merely demonstrating a relatively very little amount of patience—being willing to exercise some vision—and character—will go a long, long way for the couple who understands this!