LIVING IN HIS LOVE
As you have been reading, have you seen
yourself as a person who has been operating out of a toxic love base? Some of
you are letting the worry of the world that
Jesus spoke of choke off the life of God which is in you (Matthew 13:22). Find
victory here and Satan will have lost an effective entrance to your life!
If God has spoken to you through these
words, then do not put off acting on what He has said. I suggest that you
reread those portions of this book which especially apply to you and own any
trace of toxic love in your life as your personal sin before God. Call it what
it is—idolatry—putting the creature in the place of the Creator. It is looking
for your identity and meaning in life in another human being’s bestowal of love
and acceptance instead of the Father’s.
As you read through this book again, ask
the Holy Spirit, your resident Counsellor, to show you any areas where you may
be blind. Remember that repentance is a change of mind, and it is just such a
total turnaround of thinking concerning the true nature of love that the Holy
Spirit is achieving in you as you read.
He has shown you the nature of real love
and the idolatry of counterfeit, toxic love. Upon identifying your attitudes
and ways of relating to people that are a work of the flesh, independent of
God, renounce them and put them away from you. When Jesus died, He put to death
rebellious flesh (Romans 6:6). We can do nothing to bring sin to an end in our
lives except to thank God that, in Jesus Christ, He has brought it to death so
that He may live His life in us.
Next, having seen the sin of false love and
repenting of it, how do we love as believers? How do we love, ...as I have loved you? Perhaps the
answers are in the following letter, which I wrote to someone who, having heard
me teach on toxic love, asked those questions.
Dear Sally,
I praise God with you that you have seen
the emptiness and spiritual death in the way you have been relating to others.
Now begins the real business of living your daily lifestyle in the love that
the New Testament speaks of: the life for which you were created that is found
in Jesus Christ.
We love others with the love which comes
from God—not by trying, but by realising that we ourselves are loved. We have
seen that we were created to receive and live in union with the God who loves
us unconditionally. Jesus, the sinless, normal man, awoke to the consciousness
of that love in His childhood years. But what about mankind? As unbelievers, we
are separated from God, believing the Lie that we can have a fulfilling life
apart from God, and rebelliously trying to prove it true in our lives. It is
right here that the unconditional love of God is seen in its vastness.
Love is a Gift
In Jesus Christ, the God we have sinned
against took to Himself our humanity and entered our race. He took to Himself
our sin and our determination to be our own god; He also took the pain and
grief that we had brought upon ourselves through our wilful rebellion. He then
bore the punishment of our sin and died as us and for us, carrying the entire
rebellion into the grave, and rising again as the Source of the real life and
love that we had rejected.
The living Jesus is the final word of God
saying to us, “I love you.” The great secret of spiritual, mental, and
emotional health is summed up in the words, We love, because He first loved
us (First John 4:19).
As Jesus lived in the consciousness of His
Father’s unlimited love, so it is with us. In our inner selves we live in the
consciousness of His love, which gives us life in the same way our physical
bodies live in air and fish live in the sea.
When Paul prayed for the early believers to
live in the freedom of truly loving one another, he begins by praying that they
might come to ...know the love of Christ
which surpasses knowledge... (Ephesians 3:19). Only after that prayer did
he call them, in Chapters 4 and 5, to
live out the love of God in their daily relationships. And the life to which he
exhorted them is supernatural!
...Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you...and walk in love,
just as Christ also loved you ...(Ephesians 4:32, 5:2).
The fact that he did not instruct them, but
prayed that they would see God’s
love, would indicate that the knowledge or experience of it must be given by
God. It cannot be studied out, nor is it merely a worked-up feeling; it is the
gift of God— but a gift that is easy to receive. By giving us this prayer in
Ephesians 3:19, the Holy Spirit authorises us to ask and to expect the gift of
supernatural love to be ours. The gift of unconditional love comes to us in the
form of the power—or ability—of the Holy Spirit....the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is
given to us (Romans 5:5). The Holy
Spirit actually enables us, gives us the wisdom, and strengthens our wills so
that we become the love of God to those around us.
Paul, praying for this love to be received
by the Colossians, again referred to its source being in the power of the Holy
Spirit: ...strengthened with all power,
according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and
patience... (Colossians 1:11).
Both the words strengthened and power are
defined in Acts 1:8 as the power which comes from the Holy Spirit. Patience is the love of God in us,
exercised toward the most unlovable of persons. This God kind of love
“surpasses,” or goes far beyond, all human knowledge (Ephesians 3:19). We are
dealing with the nature of the infinite God being experienced in the life of
finite man. There is no limit to the experience and no end to such an
adventure! Because of this, the early Christians continually prayed that they
would know the constant flow of supernatural love into their lives: Paul prayed
for the Philippians, And this I pray,
that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all
discernment (Philippians 1:9).
For the Thessalonians he prayed, ...may the Lord cause you to increase and
abound in love for one another, and for all men (First Thessalonians 3:12).
Receiving the Gift of Love
In order to let such prayers be answered, I
suggest that you set aside time every day to sit in God’s presence, not to pray
to or perform something for Him, but just
to be loved by Him. Begin by praying these prayers, and then sit and be
aware of the Father God Who loves you, Who has come to you through Jesus Christ
and now fills you by His Spirit. Let the reality that you have been personally
loved by God as He foreknew you in innumerable ages past, and as He dwells
within you at this moment, flood your whole person. You can say, He loved me, and delivered Himself up for
me (Galatians 2:20b).
You discover who you are in this very real
interaction with God, your Creator, Who, through Jesus Christ, is your Father.
Here is where you admit you are prima
rilv a spirit person who cannot function without knowing you are infinitely and
unconditionally loved. And, I might add, although it is not the prime
reason for spending time with Him, it is in this stillness and in the consciousness of
being loved that you learn to listen to what God is saying to you. These times
of opening yourself to God’s love are equivalent to the priority time that
Jesus gave to being alone with His Father, both in the early morning and late
at night. The place and amount of time given to this are not important. It is
the opening of our innermost self to God that counts.
I know an executive in Manhattan with an
impossible schedule, who stops on the hour every hour for a couple of minutes
to realise he is a child of God, infinitely and unconditionally loved. He does
the same thing in the middle of hectic days, when work threatens to dehumanise
him. There is a housewife in Tulsa who takes twenty minutes in the morning
after the children have gone to school and twenty minutes in the evening before
going to bed to let the love of God soak into her inner being. And a high
school student takes ten minutes of his lunch break to sit in the living
Presence and know the meaning of life—being loved by the Creator.
Expressing the Gift of Love
How do we take the love that we receive
from the Holy Spirit and live it in a dog-eat-dog world? How do we love like
Jesus? The only answer to that question is, only
Jesus can love like Jesus! Christianity does not claim to be a philosophy
of life, but to be Life Himself living within us. In that sense, there is no
such thing as Christian morality in terms of a list of do’s and don’ts, but
rather, the spontaneous living of Christ Himself through our lives. In this day
of formulas and the packaged “how-to-do-it” seminars, Christianity is the odd
man out, for the Gospel calls us to commit not to a formula, but to a Person
Who is, Himself, the Way. When Christianity has become a philosophy or a
formula, it falls apart and becomes a list of impossible ideals.
But Christianity is not idealistic. It is pre-eminently realistic, for it is founded on the fact
that Jesus Christ is alive from the dead and is now communicating His life to
us by the Holy Spirit! And His life is, of course, the love that we are talking
about. We do not move from toxic love to the love of Jesus by getting a new
grip on ourselves, nor by making a decision to be selfish and look after ourselves,
but by giving ourselves to the Lord Jesus Christ. Surrendering to Jesus is a
radical change that begins a process in us, a process in which we learn to
receive His communicated life under all of life’s varied relationships and
circumstances. Having prayed and opened ourselves to the love of God, we begin
to take steps of faith. To the Thessalonians, Paul wrote, ...you...are taught by God to love one another. ..you do practice it.. .we urge you, brethren, to excel still more...(First Thessalonians 4:9,10).
I suggest you do this, first of all, by
taking every relationship you are involved in, whether with people,
organisations, volunteer work, or committees, and laying them before the Lord.
I usually do this with pen and paper or sitting at the computer; I find I can
sort out what He is saying to me much better if I can see it in front of me.
Ask Him to turn His light upon each relationship and show you anything you are
doing that is originating in the flesh and is a toxic, false love. Ask Him to
tell you what He wants you to do with and in the relationship. Let your prayer
always be, “Lord Jesus, live through me in this relationship.”
Daily Battles to be Won
Each morning, be aware that you must be on
your guard or you can very quickly be pulled back into the old paths. You are
involved in a war! For the flesh sets
its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are
in opposition to one another...(Galatians 5:17).
When you see a need, you will probably feel
the pull of the flesh to handle it as you always have in tbe past, as if you
are responsible to fill it. There will also be an army of people you have
unwittingly drawn towards you who expect you to be their refuge, strength, and
the messiah who is always there for them. As they come once more into the orbit
of your life, this time it may be well to share with them a testimony of what
God has done with you and then make it a matter of prayer as to what, if any,
involvement you are going to have with them.
There is another subtle temptation you
should be aware of: People are going to share their needs with you today, not because
they want you to get involved, but because they want someone to talk to! Do not
run their needs through your flesh computer, which will distort God’s will for
you and interpret their sharing as asking you to help. Offer your ears to Jesus
so that He may teach you to listen and pass all the information on to Him in
prayer with no compulsion to get involved.
Remember, Sally, you now live from the
solid base that you are not a
self-pleasure, not a people-pleasure, nor a need-meter, but a Father-pleasure
in the power of the Holy Spirit. You know the nature of the temptation
now—the old inclination to find love and acceptance in people instead of in
God. You choose not to respond with the inner words, “If I don’t, who will?”
“Well, I guess I should,” or “OK, just this once....” No, this time you are
making these things truly a matter of prayer, and you will not be pressured.
Learn to live in submission to the Lord Jesus and not to needs and people. When
all is said and done, the only way you can meet anyone’s needs is by being
submitted to Him.
You are no longer driven to become involved
with every need or person who drifts across your path. Instead, you pray,
“Father, I thank You that You are this person’s refuge and strength and the
perfect answer to their need. If You want to use me beyond my committing them
to You now in prayer, I am available. If not, I leave them in Your hands and
thank You that they are safe with You.” Now, don’t go overboard—which the flesh
loves to do! If you are being paid to do a job, you do not have to ask the
Father whether you should do it! Rather, you should pray for the strength to
give it your total attention and to do it to the best of your ability.
If, however, you are doing someone else’s
work, which they are paid to do, and neglecting yours, that situation needs the
renovating power of the Spirit! And, if I know you, Sally, you probably have
been the mother hen to everyone you work with, feeding their laziness and
irresponsibility by doing their work and neglecting your own! And don’t start
asking God if you are supposed to continue being married to Arthur! You have
only one responsibility there, and that is to let the Holy Spirit show you any
area where toxic love is eating away at your marriage and to renounce it.
Seeing Through Jesus’ Eyes
Communicating with the Father through Jesus
Christ, Who is your life, may sound strange to some, but it is your truest
sense of reality, For this you were made: to live in communication with your
Father and live with His life. It is perfectly normal to live by His direction
rather than by “ought’s,” “should’s,” or guilt feelings, all of which belong to
the flesh. It is only in a world of abnormals that normalcy seems odd and
different! As you are freed from the bondage’s of toxic love, you will begin to
look at people in a new way—through Jesus’ eyes. You will see more clearly that
God is at work in their lives, and for you to rush in and fix them to the
specifications of your personal, biased blueprint will probably frustrate what
God is about to do.
Remember how Jesus handled Peter. If He had
rescued Peter from confronting his empty self, we would never have heard of the
blustering fisherman. God allowed Satan limited access to Peter in order to
bring him to a real death to all trust in himself— so that he might discover
for himself the life of Jesus united with him. As a little boy, I saw a
butterfly struggling to free itself from its chrysalis. I took a razor blade
and delicately cut him loose, But the poor creature never flew, and it died on
the window seat. Later I discovered that the butterfly’s wing muscles receive
their strength for flight in the process of coming out of the chrysalis. How
many people have we “rescued” into utter weakness and spiritual death? Sally,
you must learn that you are not God, and your
place in the lives of others is to bring them to Him and leave them with Him as
you uphold them in prayer
You will know when you have fallen into the
ways of the flesh in this area because all of the old disgust with yourself and
people will be back, along with your frustration and self-hate. Do not plunge
on like a runaway horse! And don’t withdraw in despair calling yourself a
failure. Just stop and receive forgiveness, then get out of whatever flesh
involvement you are in.
Emotional freedom is not going to happen
overnight! You are going to gradually grow into a continual realisation of the
love of God and a genuine love for people, accepting them as they are, and not
as you think they should be; putting them into God’s hands, and recognising
they are His project instead of making them yours!
There will be some people to whom you know
the Father wants you to minister, and you will give yourself to God for the
task and do it in the power of His Spirit. However, you must understand that
this does not mean that the person will respond. If you are doing the work for
them and for your own sense of identity and meaning, then such a response will
make you mad at them and you will dismiss yourself as an abysmal failure. But
if you have followed me so far, then you will see that your success in life is in having done what the Father wanted you to
do. You are free to feel the longing of the Father’s heart for the people,
without expecting or relying upon anything from them in return. Jesus spoke on
the streets of Jerusalem, but they rejected Him. Finally, He stood on Olivet
and wept with great sobs. It would seem to us that He had failed! But His sobs
were not out of frustration or anger, but for the people who had turned down
their only hope of salvation. He went on without any sense of being a failure,
for He had done the Father’s will.
In a sense, you are entering into the
adventure of the Christian life for the first time, even though you have been
born again for ten years! It is the adventure of letting Jesus live His life of
divine love through you. Step out and start walking on the water—He will teach
you!
In Christ Jesus, M.S.