LIVING IN HIS LOVE

As you have been reading, have you seen yourself as a person who has been operating out of a toxic love base? Some of you are letting the worry of the world that Jesus spoke of choke off the life of God which is in you (Matthew 13:22). Find victory here and Satan will have lost an effective entrance to your life!

If God has spoken to you through these words, then do not put off acting on what He has said. I suggest that you reread those portions of this book which especially apply to you and own any trace of toxic love in your life as your personal sin before God. Call it what it is—idolatry—putting the creature in the place of the Creator. It is looking for your identity and meaning in life in another human being’s bestowal of love and acceptance instead of the Father’s.

As you read through this book again, ask the Holy Spirit, your resident Counsellor, to show you any areas where you may be blind. Remember that repentance is a change of mind, and it is just such a total turnaround of thinking concerning the true nature of love that the Holy Spirit is achieving in you as you read.

He has shown you the nature of real love and the idolatry of counterfeit, toxic love. Upon identifying your attitudes and ways of relating to people that are a work of the flesh, independent of God, renounce them and put them away from you. When Jesus died, He put to death rebellious flesh (Romans 6:6). We can do nothing to bring sin to an end in our lives except to thank God that, in Jesus Christ, He has brought it to death so that He may live His life in us.

Next, having seen the sin of false love and repenting of it, how do we love as believers? How do we love, ...as I have loved you? Perhaps the answers are in the following letter, which I wrote to someone who, having heard me teach on toxic love, asked those questions.

Dear Sally,

I praise God with you that you have seen the emptiness and spiritual death in the way you have been relating to others. Now begins the real busi­ness of living your daily lifestyle in the love that the New Testament speaks of: the life for which you were created that is found in Jesus Christ.

We love others with the love which comes from God—not by trying, but by realising that we our­selves are loved. We have seen that we were created to receive and live in union with the God who loves us unconditionally. Jesus, the sinless, normal man, awoke to the consciousness of that love in His childhood years. But what about mankind? As unbelievers, we are separated from God, believing the Lie that we can have a fulfilling life apart from God, and rebelliously trying to prove it true in our lives. It is right here that the unconditional love of God is seen in its vastness.

Love is a Gift

In Jesus Christ, the God we have sinned against took to Himself our humanity and entered our race. He took to Himself our sin and our determination to be our own god; He also took the pain and grief that we had brought upon ourselves through our wilful rebellion. He then bore the punishment of our sin and died as us and for us, carrying the entire rebel­lion into the grave, and rising again as the Source of the real life and love that we had rejected.

The living Jesus is the final word of God saying to us, “I love you.” The great secret of spiritual, mental, and emotional health is summed up in the words, We love, because He first loved us (First John 4:19).

As Jesus lived in the consciousness of His Father’s unlimited love, so it is with us. In our inner selves we live in the consciousness of His love, which gives us life in the same way our physical bodies live in air and fish live in the sea.

When Paul prayed for the early believers to live in the freedom of truly loving one another, he begins by praying that they might come to ...know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge... (Ephesians 3:19). Only after that prayer did he call them, in Chapters 4 and 5, to live out the love of God in their daily relationships. And the life to which he exhorted them is supernatural!

...Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you...and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you ...(Ephesians 4:32, 5:2).

The fact that he did not instruct them, but prayed that they would see God’s love, would indi­cate that the knowledge or experience of it must be given by God. It cannot be studied out, nor is it merely a worked-up feeling; it is the gift of God— but a gift that is easy to receive. By giving us this prayer in Ephesians 3:19, the Holy Spirit authorises us to ask and to expect the gift of supernatural love to be ours. The gift of unconditional love comes to us in the form of the power—or ability—of the Holy Spirit....the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us (Romans 5:5). The Holy Spirit actually enables us, gives us the wisdom, and strengthens our wills so that we become the love of God to those around us.

Paul, praying for this love to be received by the Colossians, again referred to its source being in the power of the Holy Spirit: ...strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience... (Colossians 1:11).

Both the words strengthened and power are defined in Acts 1:8 as the power which comes from the Holy Spirit. Patience is the love of God in us, exercised toward the most unlovable of persons. This God kind of love “surpasses,” or goes far beyond, all human knowledge (Ephesians 3:19). We are dealing with the nature of the infinite God being experienced in the life of finite man. There is no limit to the experience and no end to such an adventure! Because of this, the early Christians continually prayed that they would know the constant flow of supernatural love into their lives: Paul prayed for the Philippians, And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment (Philippians 1:9).

For the Thessalonians he prayed, ...may the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another, and for all men (First Thessalonians 3:12).

Receiving the Gift of Love

In order to let such prayers be answered, I suggest that you set aside time every day to sit in God’s presence, not to pray to or perform something for Him, but just to be loved by Him. Begin by praying these prayers, and then sit and be aware of the Father God Who loves you, Who has come to you through Jesus Christ and now fills you by His Spirit. Let the reality that you have been personally loved by God as He foreknew you in innumerable ages past, and as He dwells within you at this moment, flood your whole person. You can say, He loved me, and delivered Himself up for me (Galatians 2:20b).

You discover who you are in this very real inter­action with God, your Creator, Who, through Jesus Christ, is your Father. Here is where you admit you are prima rilv a spirit person who cannot function without knowing you are infinitely and uncondi­tionally loved. And, I might add, although it is not the prime reason for spending time with Him, it is in this stillness and in the consciousness of being loved that you learn to listen to what God is saying to you. These times of opening yourself to God’s love are equivalent to the priority time that Jesus gave to being alone with His Father, both in the early morning and late at night. The place and amount of time given to this are not important. It is the opening of our innermost self to God that counts.

I know an executive in Manhattan with an impossible schedule, who stops on the hour every hour for a couple of minutes to realise he is a child of God, infinitely and unconditionally loved. He does the same thing in the middle of hectic days, when work threatens to dehumanise him. There is a housewife in Tulsa who takes twenty minutes in the morning after the children have gone to school and twenty minutes in the evening before going to bed to let the love of God soak into her inner being. And a high school student takes ten minutes of his lunch break to sit in the living Presence and know the meaning of life—being loved by the Creator.

Expressing the Gift of Love

How do we take the love that we receive from the Holy Spirit and live it in a dog-eat-dog world? How do we love like Jesus? The only answer to that question is, only Jesus can love like Jesus! Christianity does not claim to be a philosophy of life, but to be Life Himself living within us. In that sense, there is no such thing as Christian morality in terms of a list of do’s and don’ts, but rather, the spontaneous living of Christ Himself through our lives. In this day of formulas and the packaged “how-to-do-it” seminars, Christianity is the odd man out, for the Gospel calls us to commit not to a formula, but to a Person Who is, Himself, the Way. When Christianity has become a philosophy or a formula, it falls apart and becomes a list of impossible ideals.

But Christianity is not idealistic. It is pre-eminently realistic, for it is founded on the fact that Jesus Christ is alive from the dead and is now com­municating His life to us by the Holy Spirit! And His life is, of course, the love that we are talking about. We do not move from toxic love to the love of Jesus by getting a new grip on ourselves, nor by making a decision to be selfish and look after our­selves, but by giving ourselves to the Lord Jesus Christ. Surrendering to Jesus is a radical change that begins a process in us, a process in which we learn to receive His communicated life under all of life’s varied relationships and circumstances. Having prayed and opened ourselves to the love of God, we begin to take steps of faith. To the Thessalonians, Paul wrote, ...you...are taught by God to love one another. ..you do practice it.. .we urge you, brethren, to excel still more...(First Thessalonians 4:9,10).

I suggest you do this, first of all, by taking every relationship you are involved in, whether with people, organisations, volunteer work, or commit­tees, and laying them before the Lord. I usually do this with pen and paper or sitting at the computer; I find I can sort out what He is saying to me much better if I can see it in front of me. Ask Him to turn His light upon each relationship and show you any­thing you are doing that is originating in the flesh and is a toxic, false love. Ask Him to tell you what He wants you to do with and in the relationship. Let your prayer always be, “Lord Jesus, live through me in this relationship.”

Daily Battles to be Won

Each morning, be aware that you must be on your guard or you can very quickly be pulled back into the old paths. You are involved in a war! For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another...(Galatians 5:17).

When you see a need, you will probably feel the pull of the flesh to handle it as you always have in tbe past, as if you are responsible to fill it. There will also be an army of people you have unwittingly drawn towards you who expect you to be their refuge, strength, and the messiah who is always there for them. As they come once more into the orbit of your life, this time it may be well to share with them a tes­timony of what God has done with you and then make it a matter of prayer as to what, if any, involve­ment you are going to have with them.

There is another subtle temptation you should be aware of: People are going to share their needs with you today, not because they want you to get involved, but because they want someone to talk to! Do not run their needs through your flesh computer, which will distort God’s will for you and interpret their sharing as asking you to help. Offer your ears to Jesus so that He may teach you to listen and pass all the information on to Him in prayer with no com­pulsion to get involved.

Remember, Sally, you now live from the solid base that you are not a self-pleasure, not a people-pleasure, nor a need-meter, but a Father-pleasure in the power of the Holy Spirit. You know the nature of the temptation now—the old inclination to find love and acceptance in people instead of in God. You choose not to respond with the inner words, “If I don’t, who will?” “Well, I guess I should,” or “OK, just this once....” No, this time you are making these things truly a matter of prayer, and you will not be pressured. Learn to live in submission to the Lord Jesus and not to needs and people. When all is said and done, the only way you can meet anyone’s needs is by being submitted to Him.

You are no longer driven to become involved with every need or person who drifts across your path. Instead, you pray, “Father, I thank You that You are this person’s refuge and strength and the perfect answer to their need. If You want to use me beyond my committing them to You now in prayer, I am available. If not, I leave them in Your hands and thank You that they are safe with You.” Now, don’t go overboard—which the flesh loves to do! If you are being paid to do a job, you do not have to ask the Father whether you should do it! Rather, you should pray for the strength to give it your total attention and to do it to the best of your ability.

If, however, you are doing someone else’s work, which they are paid to do, and neglecting yours, that situation needs the renovating power of the Spirit! And, if I know you, Sally, you probably have been the mother hen to everyone you work with, feeding their laziness and irresponsibility by doing their work and neglecting your own! And don’t start asking God if you are supposed to continue being married to Arthur! You have only one responsibility there, and that is to let the Holy Spirit show you any area where toxic love is eating away at your marriage and to renounce it.

Seeing Through Jesus’ Eyes

Communicating with the Father through Jesus Christ, Who is your life, may sound strange to some, but it is your truest sense of reality, For this you were made: to live in communication with your Father and live with His life. It is perfectly normal to live by His direction rather than by “ought’s,” “should’s,” or guilt feelings, all of which belong to the flesh. It is only in a world of abnormals that nor­malcy seems odd and different! As you are freed from the bondage’s of toxic love, you will begin to look at people in a new way—through Jesus’ eyes. You will see more clearly that God is at work in their lives, and for you to rush in and fix them to the specifications of your per­sonal, biased blueprint will probably frustrate what God is about to do.

Remember how Jesus handled Peter. If He had rescued Peter from confronting his empty self, we would never have heard of the blustering fisherman. God allowed Satan limited access to Peter in order to bring him to a real death to all trust in himself— so that he might discover for himself the life of Jesus united with him. As a little boy, I saw a butterfly struggling to free itself from its chrysalis. I took a razor blade and del­icately cut him loose, But the poor creature never flew, and it died on the window seat. Later I dis­covered that the butterfly’s wing muscles receive their strength for flight in the process of coming out of the chrysalis. How many people have we “rescued” into utter weakness and spiritual death? Sally, you must learn that you are not God, and your place in the lives of others is to bring them to Him and leave them with Him as you uphold them in prayer

You will know when you have fallen into the ways of the flesh in this area because all of the old disgust with yourself and people will be back, along with your frustration and self-hate. Do not plunge on like a runaway horse! And don’t withdraw in despair calling yourself a failure. Just stop and receive forgiveness, then get out of whatever flesh involvement you are in.

Emotional freedom is not going to happen overnight! You are going to gradually grow into a continual realisation of the love of God and a genuine love for people, accepting them as they are, and not as you think they should be; putting them into God’s hands, and recognising they are His project instead of making them yours!

There will be some people to whom you know the Father wants you to minister, and you will give yourself to God for the task and do it in the power of His Spirit. However, you must understand that this does not mean that the person will respond. If you are doing the work for them and for your own sense of identity and meaning, then such a response will make you mad at them and you will dismiss yourself as an abysmal failure. But if you have fol­lowed me so far, then you will see that your success in life is in having done what the Father wanted you to do. You are free to feel the longing of the Father’s heart for the people, without expecting or relying upon anything from them in return. Jesus spoke on the streets of Jerusalem, but they rejected Him. Finally, He stood on Olivet and wept with great sobs. It would seem to us that He had failed! But His sobs were not out of frustration or anger, but for the people who had turned down their only hope of salvation. He went on without any sense of being a failure, for He had done the Father’s will.

In a sense, you are entering into the adventure of the Christian life for the first time, even though you have been born again for ten years! It is the adventure of letting Jesus live His life of divine love through you. Step out and start walking on the water—He will teach you!

In Christ Jesus, M.S.