The Song of Solomon

Most do not realize that God provided an inspired account of how husbands and wives should speak to and conduct themselves within the marriage bedroom. This unique book is actually God’s gift to every married couple who wants to understand true love in marriage.

Recorded by wise King Solomon, David’s son, the Song of Solomon is a marvellous—and when properly understood, truly extraordinary—narrative, picturing husbands and wives sharing love and talking about it as they do.

The book contains eight chapters of wonderful, open-hearted, tender, even touching, give-and-take conversation between two people so obviously very deeply in love. This inset will introduce it, but the reader should take the time to read and study the entire book. It can even become an eye-opening Bible study for young married couples to study together, in whole or in part—separately, if done before.

Here are a few introductory high points of the book to help the reader get the sense of language that almost no one hears anymore, and which most would think to be strange if used today.

The book opens with Solomon’s bride declaring, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for your love is better than wine” (Song 1:2). Notice the statement is dual (see italics) in the sense that she speaks both of her husband and to him in the same thought. Song 1:4 begins with “Draw me,” and this is an obvious reference to her wanting to be enticed and aroused by Solomon. (Note that Song 1:5 and 6 are not endorsing interracial marriage, as some think, but rather reference the appearance of a good suntan, causing the wife to look “ruddy” or “dark”—which is what the Hebrew means—not “black.”)

Song 1:8 introduces four verses of Solomon discussing how his wife is beautiful to him. He compares her to beautiful jewellery, and to gold and silver.

Song 1:12 begins the wife’s reciprocation, in which she describes her husband as “fair [handsome]” and “pleasant” ( Song 1:16), while suggesting that he will “lie all night between [her] breasts” ( Song 1:13). She continues into chapter two, verse one, by describing herself as a “rose of Sharon” and a “lily of the valleys.”

Song 2:7 of chapter two is a general admonition to all women about being careful not to rush a husband to climax “till he please.” (The word “my” in italics was added by translators and does not belong.)

The husband is speaking from Song 2:10-15. Note how he describes his wife’s curves and “mountains” (her slopes), while also referencing the beauty and scent of flowers, the budding trees and the singing birds of spring.

Chapter three is the woman speaking throughout and chapter four is the man speaking throughout (except for the last part of Song 4:16), with him describing in extraordinary and poetic detail the different aspects of his wife’s body. These include her hair, teeth, lips, temples, breasts, and even her tongue, and how that, from his perspective, there is “no spot in you” ( Song 4:7), and that she “has ravished my heart” (Song 4: 9). He also references how she kept herself a virgin prior to marriage—“a spring shut up, a fountain sealed” ( Song 4:12). He also mentions various spices and fragrances that must have filled the room that had gardens just outside.

Chapter five opens for one verse with the husband saying that he would “come into my garden...my spouse,” and the rest of the chapter is Solomon’s wife describing, equally poetically, his body—his head, hair (“his locks are bushy [Heb: curled] and black as a raven”), eyes, cheeks, lips, hands, belly, legs, countenance and mouth.

In Song 5:16, she describes Solomon as both her “beloved,” and “this is my friend.” This carries a powerful message to every married couple!

Chapter six opens with the woman for three verses, with the husband continuing for ten verses to the end, and continuing on to chapter seven, Song 7:9. These nine verses are an even more descriptive and poetic reference to the different parts of the female anatomy.

Chapter seven closes with four verses of the wife explaining how she belongs to her husband—“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” ( Song 7:10), with Song 7:12 describing how she will “give [him] my loves.”

Chapter eight concludes the book with the woman continuing to discuss lovemaking— Song 8:3 clearly describes the love embrace: “His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.”

Song 8:6 and 7 are an obvious description of the heat of passion.

Song 8:8 to 10 talk about two kinds of little sisters—one who can be “a wall” (remain a virgin), or one who has the potential to become “a door” (sexually loose), and who has to be, using figurative language, “enclosed...with boards of cedar.”

Solomon closes the book with four verses, Song 8:14 being sexual intercourse coming to culmination.

Second Phase—Stimulation for Both

The SECOND PHASE should not begin until the wife has been properly aroused and is ready for union of the sex organs. By this time, the membrane of the vagina will have become properly lubricated by the glands near the vaginal entrance, allowing for proper penetration of the male member. The penetration process should be slow and careful. Generally, the husband should hold still and allow the wife to do the pushing, and she may have to guide the penis.

Prior to this, the most important method to employ that will help to hasten the wife’s arousal is focusing on the sensitivity of the clitoris to heighten her sensations. In this case, the wife is stimulated by the glans of the male penis or by the husband’s hand in the vestibule region so that direct contact is made with the clitoris (described in the previous chapter on anatomy). This provides additional pleasure for the wife once arousal has occurred. Once reached, the wife should withdraw from the position or the husband should withdraw his hand, with both mates proceeding by guiding the movement to begin penetration into the vagina.

This is not to be one-sided. The wife can also employ techniques that are enticing and erotic to her husband. Even though men are generally the initial aggressor for the evening, women can and should enthusiastically reciprocate.

Before continuing, some more needs to be said about additional forms of foreplay—which means, literally, playing before intercourse.

A Time for Creativity

Love, sex and intercourse can be a time for creative thinking, so to speak, as long as all forms of perversion are avoided. It is a time to be playful. Any number of things can be pleasurable to both man and woman—and this becomes another crucially important reason why communication between couples is vital.

Do not be afraid to ask your mate to adjust—add, subtract, improve or improvise—what he or she is doing or to include various kinds of fondling, caressing, petting or massaging in ways desirable to you. Be specific—gently talk to one another, particularly if you are a new or young couple and you are at the beginning stages of learning what is truly the ART of lovemaking. Regardless of how Hollywood pictures everyone just “knowing what to do,” this is ridiculous. Like everything else in life, knowing when and how to utilize the many kinds of effective forms of tenderness and delectable, pleasurable enjoyment during lovemaking is not something one is born with but rather is something that each person learns.

For instance, not all people—men or women—are stimulated or aroused in the exact same way or at the exact same speed. Each of you must recognize that you married only one person, and that all people are different. Never mind other people—you did not marry “other people.” You are married to, and have a special love for, and have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, only one person—the one beside you in bed. Find out about this person. Come to understand this person. Figure out how to best express physical intimacy with this person. Stay focused on this person and the needs, feelings, nature and particular interests and proclivities of THIS PERSON!

Determine to learn all that you can together about this art, recognizing that the most wonderful part of this process is that you will probably be learning more about it for the rest of your married life!