Victory Found

At the close of this little volume it seems fitting to recount again a wonderful experience, narrated in The Sunday School Times of December 7, 1918.

I do not remember the time when I did not have in some degree a love for the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour. When not quite twelve years of age, at a revival meeting, I publicly accepted and confessed Christ as my Lord and Master.

From that time there grew up in my heart a deep yearning to know Christ in a more real way, for He seemed so unreal, so far away and visionary. One night when still quite young I remember going out under the trees in my parents' garden and, looking up into the starlit heavens, I longed with intense longing to feel Christ near me. As I knelt down there on the grass, alone with God, Job's cry became mine, "Oh, that I knew where I might find him!" Could I have borne it had I known then that almost forty years would pass before that yearning would be satisfied?

With the longing to know Christ, literally to "find" Him, came a passionate desire to serve Him. But, oh, what a terrible nature I had! Passionate, proud, self-willed, indeed just full was I of those things that I knew were unlike Christ.

The following years of halfhearted conflict with sinful self must be passed over till about the fifth year of our missionary work in China. I grieve to say that the new life in a foreign land with its trying climate, provoking servants, and altogether irritating conditions, seemed to have developed rather than subdued my natural disposition.

One day (I can never forget it), as I sat inside the house by a paper window at dusk, two Chinese Christian women sat down on the other side. They began talking about me, and (wrongly, no doubt) I listened. One said, "Yes, she is a hard worker, a zealous preacher, and -- yes, she dearly loves us; but, oh, what a temper she has! If she would only live more as she preaches !"

Then followed a full and true delineation of my life and character. So true indeed was it, as to crush out all sense of annoyance and leave me humbled to the dust. I saw then how useless, how worse than useless, was it for me to come to China to preach Christ and not live Christ. But how could I live Christ? I knew some (including my dear husband) who had a peace and a power -- yes, and a something I could not define -- that I had not; and often I longed to know the secret.

Was it possible, with such a nature as mine, ever to become patient and gentle?

Was it possible that I could ever really stop worrying?

Could I, in a word, ever hope to be able to live Christ as well as preach Him?

I knew I loved Christ; and again and again I had proved my willingness to give up all for His sake. But I knew, too, that one hot flash of temper with the Chinese, or with the children before the Chinese, would largely undo weeks, perhaps months, of self-sacrificing service.

The years that followed led often through the furnace. The Lord knew that nothing but fire could destroy the dross and subdue my stubborn will. Those years may be summed up in one line: "Fighting [not finding], following, keeping, struggling ." Yes, and failing! Sometimes in the depths of despair over these failures; then going on determined to do my best -- and what a poor best it was!

In the year 1905, and later, as I witnessed the wonderful way the Lord was leading my husband, and saw the Holy Spirit's power in his life and message, I came to seek very definitely for the fullness of the Holy Spirit. It was a time of deep heart-searching. The heinousness of sin was revealed as never before. Many, many things had to be set right toward man and god. I learned what "paying the price" meant. Those were times of wonderful mountaintop experiences, and I came to honor the Holy Spirit and seek His power for the overcoming of sin in a new way. But Christ still remained, as before, distant, afar off, and I longed increasingly to know -- to find Him. Although I had much more power over besetting sins, ye there were times of great darkness and defeat.

It was during one of these latter times that we were forced to return to Canada, in June 1916. My husband's health prevented him from public speaking, and it seemed that this duty for us both was to fall on me. But I dreaded facing the home church without some spiritual uplift -- a fresh vision for myself. The Lord saw this heart-hunger, and in His own glorious way He fulfilled literally the promise, "He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness" (Psalm 107:9).

A spiritual conference was to be held the latter part of June at Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, and to this I was led. One day I went to the meeting rather against my inclination, for it was so lovely under the trees by the beautiful lake. The speaker was a stranger to me, but from almost the first his message gripped me -- Victory Over Sin! Why, this was what I had fought for, had hungered for, all my life! Was it possible?

The speaker went on to describe very simply an ordinary Christian life experience -- sometimes on the mountaintop, with visions of God; then again would come the sagging, and dimming of vision, coldness, discouragement, and perhaps definite disobedience, and a time of downgrade experience. Then perhaps a sorrow, or even some special mercy, would bring the wanderer back to his Lord.

The speaker asked for all those who felt this to be a picture of their experience to raise the hand. I was sitting in the front seat, and shame only kept me from raising my hand at once. But I did so want to get all God had for me, and I determined to be true; and after a struggle I raised my hand. Wondering if others were like myself, I ventured to glance back and saw many hands were raised, though the audience was composed almost entirely of Christian workers, ministers, and missionaries.

The leader then went on to say that life which he had described was not the life God planned or wished for His children. He described the higher life of peace, rest in the Lord, of power and freedom from struggle, worry, care. As I listened I could scarcely believe it could be true, yet my whole soul was moved so that it was with the greatest difficulty I could control my emotion. I saw then, though dimly, that I was nearing the goal for which I had been aiming all my life.

Early the next morning, soon after daybreak, on my knees I went over carefully and prayerfully all the passages on the victorious life that were given in a little leaflet. What a comfort and strength it was to see how clear God's Word was that victory and not defeat, was His will for His children, and to see what wonderful provision He had made! Later, during the days that followed, clearer light came. I did what I was asked to do -- I quietly but definitely accepted Christ as my Saviour from the power of sin as I had so long before accepted Him as my Saviour from the penalty of sin. And on this I rested.

I left Niagara, realizing, however, there was still something I did not have. I felt much as the blind man must have felt when he said, "I see men as trees, walking." I had begun to see light, but dimly.

The day after reaching home I picked up a little booklet, The Life That Wins , which I had not read before, and going to my son's bedside I told him it was the personal testimony of one whom God used to bring great blessing into my life. I then read it aloud till I came to the words, "At last I realized that Jesus Christ was actually and literally within me." I stopped amazed. The sun seemed suddenly to come from under a cloud and flood my whole soul with light. How blind I had been! I saw at last the secret of victory -- it was simply Jesus Christ Himself -- His own life lived out in the believer. But the thought of victory was for the moment lost sight of in the inexpressible joy of realizing Christ's indwelling presence! Like a tired, worn-out wanderer finding home at last I just rested in Him. Rested in His love -- in Himself. And, oh, the peace and joy that came flooding my life! A restfulness and quietness of spirit I never thought could be mine took possession of me so naturally. Literally a new life began for me, or rather in me. It was just "the Life that is Christ."

The first step I took in this new life was to stand on God's own Word, and not merely on man's teaching or even on a personal experience. And, as I studied especially the truth of God's indwelling, victory over sin, and God's bountiful provision, the word was fairly illumined with new light.

The years that have passed have been years of blessed fellowship with Christ and of joy in His service. A friend asked me not long ago if I could give in a sentence the after-result in my life of what I said had come to me in 1916, and I replied, "Yes, it can be all summed up in one word, resting ."

Some have asked, "But have you never sinned?" Yes, I grieve to say I have. Sin is the one thing I abhor -- for it is the one thing that can, if unrepented of, separate us, not only from Christ, but from the consciousness of His presence. But I have learned that there is instantaneous forgiveness and restoration to be had always . There need be not times of despair.

One of the blessed results of this life is not only the consciousness of Christ's presence, but the reality of His presence as manifested in definite results when, in the daily details of life, matters are left with Him and He has undertaken.

My own thought of Him is beautifully expressed in Spurgeon's words:

What the hand is to the lute,
What the breath is to the flute,
What's the mother to the child,
What the guide in pathless wild,
What is oil to troubled wave,
What is ransom to a slave,
What is flower to the bee,
That is Jesus Christ to me.

The special Bible study which I made at that time is added below.

GOD'S PRESENCE

The secret of victory is Christ Himself in the heart of the believer. This truth of Christ's indwelling is and always has been a mystery.

1. Romans 16:25. ["Now to Him that is of power to stablish you according to my Gospel, and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery, which was kept secret since the world began" (Romans 16:25).]

2. Ephesians 3:9. ["And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ" (Ephesians 3:9).]

Colossians 1:26, 27. ["26 Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to His Saints: 27 To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the Hope of Glory" (Colossians 1:26, 27).]

3. Ephesians 5:30, 32. ["30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the Church" (Ephesians 5:30, 32).]

4. Colossians 4:3. ["Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds" (Colossians 4:3).]

Christ Himself taught this truth.

1. John 14:20, 23. ["20 At that day ye shall know that I am in My Father, and ye in Me, and I in you. 23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love Me, he will keep My Words: and My Father will love him, and We will come unto him, and make our abode with him" (John 14:20, 23).]

John 15:1-7. ["1 I am the True Vine, and My Father is the husbandman. 2 Every branch in Me that beareth not fruit He taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, He purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3 Now ye are clean through the Word which I have spoken unto you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in Me. 5 I am the Vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in Me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without Me ye can do nothing. 6 If a man abide not in Me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If ye abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you" (John 15:1-7).]

John 17:21-23. ["21 That they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in Us: that the world may believe that Thou hast sent Me. 22 And the glory which thou gavest Me I have given them; that they may be one, even as We are One: 23 I in them, and Thou in Me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that Thou hast sent Me, and hast loved them, as Thou hast loved Me" (John 17:21-23).]

2. Matthew 28:20. ["Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen" (Matthew 28:20).]

3. Revelation 3:20. ["Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My Voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me" (Revelation 3:20).]

Mark 16:20. ["And they went forth, and preached every where, the LORD working with them, and confirming the Word with signs following. Amen" (Mark 16:20).]

It was a vital reality to the apostle Paul.

1. Romans 8:10. ["And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness" (Romans 8:10).]

2. I Corinthians 6:15. ["Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid" (1Corinthians 6:15).]

3. I Corinthians 12:27. ["Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular" (1Corinthians 12:27).]

4. II Corinthians 5:17. ["Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2Corinthians 5:17).]

5. II Corinthians 13:5. ["Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?" (2Corinthians 13:5).]

6. Galatians 2:20. ["I am crucified with Christ: neverthless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me, and gave Himself for me" (Galatians 2:20).]

7. Galatians 3:27. ["For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ" (Galatians 3:27).]

8. Galatians 4:19. ["My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you" (Galatians 4:19).]

9. Ephesians 3:17. ["That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love" (Ephesians 3:17).]

10. Philippians 1:21. ["For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21).]

11. I Thessalonians 5:10. ["Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him" (1Thessalonians 5:10).]

12. Hebrews 3:6. ["But Christ as a Son over His Own house; whose house are we, if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm unto the end" (Hebrews 3:6).]

The words in Christ, which recur in many other passages, will have a new literalness when read in the light of the above.

The apostle John had a like conception of Christ's indwelling presence.

1. I John 2:28-29. ["28 And now, Little Children, abide in Him; that, when He shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. 29 If ye know that He is righteous, ye know that every one that doeth righteousness is born of Him" (1John 2:28-29).]

I John 3:6, 24. ["6 Whosoever abideth in Him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen Him, neither known Him. 24 And He that keepeth His Commandments dwelleth in Him, and He in Him. And hereby we know that He abideth in us, by the Spirit which He hath given us" (1John 3:6, 24).]

2. I John 4:4, 12, 13, 16. ["4 Ye are of God, Little Children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than He that is in the world. 12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and His love is perfected in us. 13 Hereby know we that we dwell in Him, and He in us, because He hath given us of His Spirit. 16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him" (1John 4:4, 12, 13, 16).]

3. I John 5:20. ["And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know Him that is true, and we are in Him that is true, even in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the True God, and Eternal Life" (1John 5:20).]