The Shoemaker's Daughters CHAPTER 16.
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When Genevra went to her room on the night of Mr. Wilkins' second visit, she was surprised to find Gertrude still sitting up, with a countenance indicating great perturbation of mind.
"I thought you were in bed, and asleep long ago," she said.
"Did you, indeed!" responded Gertrude, with a sneer.
To this, Genevra did not reply; and her sister broke out, passionately:
"You're a base, sneaking snake in the grass, so you are!"
"Really, I don't know what you mean, Gertrude!" she replied, pained exceedingly at this unexpected outbreak, and no little irritated in her feelings at the sudden and unaccountable charge.
"O no, of course not!" responded Gertrude. "Hypocrites are always very innocent! But I can see through all your tricks, as clear as daylight. Didn't I tell you, the night before last, that Mr. Wilkins came here to see me; and yet you tried to draw him off all you could. Do you suppose I couldn't see through you, ha?" and Gertrude walked about the small bed-chamber, enveloped in a perfect atmosphere of angry excitement.
Here was a new difficulty for Genevra, whose good resolutions were of a very recent date, and who trembled every day, under temptation from the evil within her, excited by some outward circumstance, on the brink of a departure from them. She was conscious of feeling gratified with the attentions paid her by Mr. Wilkins, and of being pleased with his conversation; and this rendered her present position still more embarrassing. For some moments, owing to a powerful struggle of evil against the good principles of her mind — she remained silent. At length, she said, slowly, while a slight shade of sadness was in the tone of her voice:
"Indeed, Gertrude, you bring a false charge against me. I made not the slightest effort to divert Mr. Wilkins' attention from you."
"That's a lie!" responded Gertrude, in a positive, angry tone; while her face burned, and her eyes flashed with the evil affections that were ruling her.
Genevra felt, for a moment, the wild activities of evil principles all aroused upon the instant; but, almost involuntarily, she turned her thoughts upwards, and, in the silence of a troubled heart, uttered this prayer, "Lord, deliver me from evil."
Instantly she felt a consciousness, that in silence lay her only hope for self-control; and, sealing the words within her lips, that were fast rising upon her tongue, she quickly disrobed herself, got into bed, and turned her face to the wall.
Gertrude's anger had reached its culminating point, up to which it had suddenly ascended, and now it began slowly to decline. She, too, prepared for rest; and in a few minutes, put out the light, and got into the same bed with her sister. Still, she was so much excited, and kept indulging her angry feelings against her sister so constantly, that she felt no inclination to sleep. Nor could Genevra, although she lay perfectly quiet — find oblivion for her troubled thoughts and wounded affections in refreshing slumber.
It was probably an hour after Gertrude had lain down, and while she was still kept awake by the agitation of her feelings, that her sister, whom she had supposed was fast asleep, suddenly sobbed out, though vainly endeavoring to control herself. Genevra's thoughts had been busy with many painful reminiscences; and these, with the disturbance of mind produced by her sister's unkind remarks, had kept her awake. Gradually, she fell into a state of nervous, half dreamy wretchedness. In vain did she try to force from her thoughts, the ideas and images which distressed her. They constantly recurred, upon every effort to banish them, in new forms, and with added pain. In the end, she lost the control of her feelings and sobbed aloud. For more than a minute this continued, before she could restrain the passionate outbreak.
Gertrude was startled, for a moment, and something like a shade of regret for what she had said, passed through her mind. But evil thoughts quickly displaced the momentary good impression, and she hardened her heart against her sister, and experienced an emotion of pleasure, at having given her pain.
But Genevra soon regained her self-control. The sudden ebullition subsided, and a peaceful calm fell upon her spirit. In a few minutes more, her senses were locked in quiet and refreshing sleep.
The same sweet slumber did not visit the eyelids of Gertrude. Many frightful dreams startled her from her pillow; and more than once, when thus suddenly awakened, did she shrink, trembling with a strange supernatural fear, close to the side of her sister. When the morning dawned, she blessed the light that relieved her from the terrors of an imagination that gave form to the evil thoughts and feelings which she delighted to cherish.
A few days afterwards, Gertrude was invited to spend the evening out, and it so happened that Mr. Wilkins dropped in that night, and found Genevra alone. He was more pleased at this, than he was even willing to acknowledge to himself. And, notwithstanding the sad berating which Gertrude had given her, Genevra felt a secret delight, which she in vain endeavored to banish.
The conversation that passed between them during the evening, was mainly of a general character; but almost involuntarily did each examine the words and tone of the other, as if in search of some meaning concealed beneath the uttered sentiments. The visit closed by an invitation from Mr. Wilkins, to attend with him a concert to be given on the following evening. Genevra of course accepted the invitation. But now a new source of trouble and difficulty presented itself. Such a marked preference for her company would, doubtless, so exasperate Gertrude, as to cause most unpleasant consequences. While still seated, after Mr. Wilkins had gone away, turning and turning the difficulty over in her mind, without perceiving any way of escape, her sister came home.
"Has any body been here?" she asked, fixing her eyes scrutinizingly upon Genevra.
For a moment the perplexed girl hesitated, and then replied,
"Yes, Mr. Wilkins has been here."
"He has?" said Gertrude, in a tone indicating surprise, disappointment, and rising anger against her sister.
"Yes," was the brief and simple reply of Genevra, who felt a little irritated at the manner and assumption of her sister, as well as troubled at the aspect of things.
"You sent him word, I suppose, that I was out," said Gertrude, making the charge with a manner that indicated her belief in the truth of what she alleged.
"Why, Gertrude!" responded Genevra, suddenly rising to her feet.
"You needn't put on that hypocritical face, young lady. I know you," said Gertrude, with a sneer. "You're just the one for such a base, low-lived trick. But never mind, I'll be even with you!"
And so saying, Gertrude took up a light, and hurried off to her chamber. Mrs. Hardamer's attention had been attracted by the loud and angry tone of Gertrude's voice, and she was just on the eve of coming down to see what was the matter, when that young lady hurried past her chamber door. A feeling of uneasiness still prompted her to descend. She found Genevra with her head buried in her arms, which were resting on the table before her.
"Genevra, what is the matter child!" she asked in a tone of concern.
Genevra lifted her head, and her mother perceived that the tears were fast flowing from her eyes.
"Tell me, my child, what is the matter?" she repeated, more anxiously.
As soon as Genevra could so far control her feelings as to speak, she said —
"Gertrude has been talking very unkindly to me; and I feel as if I could not bear it."
"What was it about?" asked Mrs. Hardamer.
Genevra hesitated a moment or two, and then said —
"I would rather not say what it was about, mother, just now; but, indeed, I am not to blame, for I have not done what she charges against me."
"Then, Genevra," replied her mother, "if you have done nothing, it will all come right at last. But do not, let me beg of you, engage in any quarrel or dispute with Gertrude. No good, but much harm can come from it. I would rather see you suffer wrong in silence, than have any jarring with your sister. I cannot tell you, my child, how greatly your recent effort to do right has affected your father and myself. Do not disappoint us in the hope we daily cherish, that you will never again give way to wrong desires and passions."
"I will try and not disappoint you," replied Genevra, the tears starting afresh from her eyes. "But I find it so hard to keep down my feelings, when anything happens to irritate me. I am sometimes afraid that all my efforts will be of no use. And to think of being as I have been — Oh, mother! I wouldn't for all the world act, and think, and feel, as I once did!" — and the afflicted girl looked eagerly into her mother's eyes with an expression that asked, as plain as words, for some direction, or some power of self-control.
Mrs. Hardamer, in her efforts to act from higher motives than such as had governed her for so many years, encountered as painful difficulties, as those against which Genevra had to struggle. And she, too, had felt the insufficiency of human effort. But, in the sincere desire for a change of character, a desire created out of the very painfulness of her former state, a new light had dawned upon her. From an almost paralyzing sense of human weakness, had sprung up a confiding trust in that Being who is Goodness itself, and Wisdomitself. And she had, already, many times, when sorely tempted, lifted almost involuntarily her heart, and breathed an inward prayer for help. Nor had she failed to notice, that always, after this silent invocation for aid — the evil that was struggling within her had less power, and soon retired, leaving her mind in a state of tranquility. Her first thought, when Genevra ceased speaking, was to direct her to the same source for that power over evil, and she said —
"I have already learned, my dear child, that our own efforts to shun evil will soon prove insufficient to protect us in temptation. We must look to Him who is the source of all good; and, if we do so, then we shall be enabled to conquer even our own bad passions and desires. In no other way, I am sure, can we successfully fight against our constant propensity to give way to angry feelings or selfish thoughts." And, as Mrs. Hardamer endeavored to point out the right way to her child, her own mind was enlightened, and she saw more clearly the truth she was endeavoring to impart. In this, she realized what thousands have experienced, but few observed, namely, that as soon as we make the effort, from pure motives of regard to others, to impart to them right and timely instruction — our own minds become enlightened, and we are constituted guides to them, whereby they receive and appropriate what is good and true.
When Genevra went up to her chamber, her sister had already retired. No word was uttered by either, and in a short time, she sank away into a peaceful slumber.
On the next day, her greatest trouble was the anticipated effect the knowledge of her invitation to attend the concert with Mr. Wilkins that evening, would have upon Gertrude. One thing she resolved, and that was, to seal her lips in silence, no matter what her sister might say to her. After turning over the matter in her mind, she determined to ask her mother's advice, and, accordingly, stated her difficulty. Mrs. Hardamer thought a few moments, and then said —
"I will try and manage this for you, Genevra. Let me inform Gertrude first of your invitation, and perhaps I can prevent her ill-temper from breaking forth."
Genevra was, of course, very glad of this kind of intervention, and felt a good deal relieved in mind. Gertrude was bitter in her language against her, when Mrs. Hardamer told her that she was going to a concert that night with Mr. Wilkins. But there was something in her mother's tone and manner, which soon checked a further expression of angry feelings.
"And remember," said Mrs. Hardamer, in closing, "that you must not use any improper language to Genevra. You have accused her falsely, and there you must rest. Neither your father nor myself can any longer allow you to jar and quarrel as you have done. We are both positive in this, and will be obeyed."
The way in which this was uttered, carried with it to the mind of Gertrude, a conviction that she must yield at least a degree of external obedience; but it in no way modified the inward feelings of resentment which she bore towards her sister. These, she still cherished with added bitterness.
Happily relieved from an unpleasant collision with her sister, Genevra dressed herself, and, when Mr. Wilkins came for her, was ready to go with him. Gertrude did not show herself when he called. She was in her chamber, chewing the cud of bitter and evil imaginations.
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