The Olive Branch and the Cross 2

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I. I shall state the law of Christ NEGATIVELY. We are not to brood over the matter in silence. This is forbidden, at least by implication, in our Lord's command. If we cannot dismiss it from our hearts, we must not let it lie festering there, but must tell it to someone. Many people, instead of going at once with frankness to the offender, altogether shun his society, think all kinds of hard thoughts of him, and cherish all kinds of ill feeling towards him, and yet never either by writing or by speech, utter a single syllable to him. There is nothing more likely to aggravate our estimate of an offence than this state of mind. He who broods in silence over a trespass, is sure, by such a species of incubation, to hatch from a tiny egg, a monster injury. His imagination is brought into excitement by his passions, until his judgment is perverted and at length he considers himself the most injured man in the world; and then resolves to have nothing more to do with the offender. This is what the apostle calls giving "place to the devil." "How hard and how unkind it was," says this self-tormentor, "who could have expected such undeserved treatment? Well, I am done with him. I will speak no more to him." He meets the supposed guilty party, but avoids recognition, and feels his resentment influenced by the very sight of him; while perhaps the object of this conduct wonders what it can all mean?

And then as we are not to brood over an offence in sullen silence, so neither are we to tell it to another, but to the offender himself, "tell it to him alone." No sooner have some people received an offence, than off they are to communicate it to anybody and to everybody, rather than to the one and only person who ought to be informed of it. Those who have heard it tell it to others, those others to somebody else, until the report, exaggerated at each repetition, comes around at length, to the aggressor in such a swollen and distorted form, that he now is the aggrieved person, by being charged with having inflicted injuries of which in truth he was never guilty. Then the matter becomes complicated, and it is difficult to say which is most to blame, he who gave the offence or he who reported it. We ought to tell the matter to no one, scarcely, I was going to say, to God in prayer, or to ourselves—until we have told it to our offending brother. We must not arraign him before God, until we have given him an opportunity of explaining himself. Our views of his conduct may have been mistaken.

It would stop this propensity to report a trespass, if we all resolutely determined to meet the reporter with this question, "Have you obeyed our Lord's command, and told it to the offender himself and alone? if not, I cannot hear it." But alas, the disposition to receive bad reports is so common to men's corrupt nature, that their ears are greedy after information to the discredit of their neighbors.

II. But I now go on to explain the law of Christ positively. On supposition of a trespass having been committed, Christ enjoins three successive steps, which, if we really acknowledge him to be our Lord and Master, must all be taken for the purpose of reconciliation, and taken in the order he has laid down.

1. The offended party must first go by himself to the offender, and tell him of the trespass. Now the reason of this is obvious. A man is much more likely to be brought to a right view of his conduct by such a plan than by being addressed before others. He is more likely to listen dispassionately, and to be open to conviction; and if convinced, much more likely to confess his fault, than in the presence of spectators. In the latter case his pride is called into exercise, and he revolts at humbling himself before others. If he be ever "won," it is most likely to be in this way.

But then everything will depend upon the manner in which this most delicate and difficult duty is performed. A wrong way of doing a right thing may itself be a wrong—and it had better not be done at all. This is strictly and emphatically applicable to the present case. A quarrel may be made more difficult of final settlement by an injudicious manner of attempting to settle it in the first instance according to our Lord's rule. Take then the following directions.

Before we go to an offending brother to tell him his fault, let us make it matter of sincere and earnest prayer, that we ourselves may take a right view of the matter, and not be under any delusion, by supposing a wrong had been inflicted, where none was intended. Let us ask for grace so to subdue and control our feelings that we may not be under the influence of passion, but be able in a most peculiar manner to exercise the meekness and gentleness of Christ. Let us beg of God that we may be able to select such language, and display such a spirit in our interview with the offender, as shall have the most direct tendency to soften and subdue him. Nothing requires greater wisdom and grace to do it well, than the duty I am now dwelling upon, and we can hardly expect to obtain these without prayer. But we should also especially pray that all malice and ill feeling towards the offender may be extinguished, and that we may still cherish towards him a spirit of love. Nor should we forget to pray for him that he may be led to see his error, be willing to confess it, and humble himself before God on account of it.

In conducting the business of such an interview, there must be the very soul of charity in our conduct. We must go, not in the character, or with the spirit, of an accuser—but as a brother to a brother. We should be able to say to him in truth that we have not told it to another being upon earth; we should tell him that we do not actually charge him with the offence, but in the first place merely ask explanation, since we are all liable to be mistaken; that we do not come to extort any unreasonable concession, but if wrong has been committed, to receive his acknowledgment, and remain friends and brothers as before. We should then lay open our grounds of offence without any aggravating circumstances, being rather inclined to extenuate than to magnify. Especial care should be taken in reference to this latter matter, for any attempt to make the offence greater than it really is, will do mischief. The two parties look at the same thing with different eyes, and what appears to be a mountain to one may be only a molehill to the other. At first the offender, as is very likely to be the case, may be a little high, petulant, and irritable; this we must not regard, or turn abruptly upon our heel and retire; but we must continue to reason with him with all the meekness of wisdom, receiving any concession which may be made, and by lovingly acknowledging it, encouraging further admissions, until all is obtained that is sought. And be it specially remembered that our demands of confession ought not to be exorbitant, nor should there be on our part an apparent wish to conquer and to humble the trespasser. It should be clearly seen by him, that we seek nothing but such an admission of wrong as is necessary for continued friendship and brotherhood.

There is also a beautiful illustration of this method of stopping offences by soliciting explanation in the life of that eminently holy minister of Christ, Samuel Pearce, of Birmingham. At a meeting of ministers on one occasion, "a word was dropped," says Mr Fuller, in his memoir of that excellent man, "by one of his brethren, which he took as a reflection, though nothing was further from the intention of the speaker. It wrought upon his mind—and in a few days after he wrote as follows—'Do you remember what passed at Bedworth? Had I not been accustomed to receive plain friendly remarks from you, I should have thought you meant to insinuate reproof. If you did, tell me plainly. If you did not, it is all at an end. You will not take my naming it unkind, although I should be mistaken; since affectionate explanations are necessary when suspicions arise, to the preservation of friendship; and I need not say that I hold the preservation of your friendship in no small account. S. P.'" "The above," says the biographer, "is copied not only to set forth the spirit and conduct of Mr Pearce, in a case wherein he felt himself aggrieved, but to show in how easy and amiable a manner thousands of mistakes might be rectified and differences prevented by a frank and timely explanation."

Yes, and it shows another thing, and that is, how easy it is to receive a false impression, and to think evil of another, where none was intended. How would many, less blessed with charity than Mr Pearce, have acted? They would either have brooded over the supposed offence in silence, and let it lie festering in their minds, and generating all kind of ill will towards the innocent author of the wound; or else they would have gone about talking to other people of the affair, without saying a word to the individual himself who made the remark. Instead of this, he wrote in the meekness of wisdom to the brother by whom he imagined he had been reflected upon, and received a reply which set his heart at rest.

O that all Christians would seek grace to copy this beautiful model! What a delightful result; and how simply yet how impressively stated by our Lord, "You have gained your brother!" To lose a brother is or ought to be accounted a great loss to us. But more than this is implied, for our brother if not won to repentance towards us, may have his heart hardened towards God, and incur the dreadful catastrophe described by our Lord, where he says, "What is a man profited if he gains the whole world and lose his own soul." For that one sin unrepented of, may be the beginning of his downward path to perdition. While on the other hand, if we bring him to repentance, we may gain him not only to ourselves, but to Christ, the church, and heaven.

Trespasses against man are trespasses against God, and the injury done by them is in many cases far greater to those who commit them than to those against whom they are committed. Regard to a brother's welfare therefore, which ought ever to be in our hearts in these matters, as well as to our own peace, requires that we tell the offence to him, and tell it in the wisest and kindest manner. In very many, perhaps I may say in most, cases, this conduct would accomplish its end, the offender would be won. Bad as human nature is, and imperfect as even renewed human nature is, there are but few who would or could stand out against this siege of love. Let men be dealt with in a way of love, and generally speaking, they would be heard to say, "You have conquered, O love!" "The cords of love are the bands of a man." In the case of Christians, they certainly ought not to consider the matter well settled unless there be a restoration of love, and a renewal of fellowship. Our object in going to an offending brother ought not to be simply to get a concession, and end our fellowship, but to restore the broken friendship of the parties. It will not do to say, "Well, I have got his confession, that is all I care for, and I now neither wish nor intend to have any further fellowship with him." This is anything but complying with the law of Christ. Our aim must be not merely to gain our rights, but to gain our brother.

It must also be remembered that if a concession be made by the offender, the whole subject is from that moment to be buried in oblivion. As no one was informed of the matter before the private interview, so no one must ever hear of it afterwards. To mention a fault which penitence has confessed, and mercy has forgiven, is a base offence against the law of charity, and equally so against the forgiven offender.

I now pass on to remark, that after all, there are minds so little sensible to the appeals of reason and religion, because possessing so little of either themselves, that the most judicious and affectionate attempts to settle a private quarrel in a private way will fail. There are professors of religion so proud, so obstinate, so inflexible—that no expostulation will induce them to say they have done wrong. Where this is the case the aggrieved party must take the second step—

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