The Mother CHAPTER 4.
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The Secret of Governing Children.
Very soon after Mrs. Hartley assumed the responsible position of a mother, she became sensible that she had really more to do in the correction of what was wrong in herself— than in her children. To remain calm at their disobedience, and kind when duty called her to administer correction, was next, it seemed to her, to impossible. A calm admonition she always saw did more good than an energetic one — and grief at her child's disobedience was ever more effective than anger. But anger was too ready to lift its distorted visage, and she mourned over this tendency with a real sorrow, because she saw that it exerted an unhappy influence, especially upon the self-willed, excitable Clarence.
"I believe I have discovered a secret," she remarked to her husband, while they sat conversing one evening, about the time that Clarence attained his third year.
"What is that, dear?" he asked.
"The secret of governing my children easily."
"A great secret that. But are you sure you are right?"
"I think I am. It is to govern myself."
Mr. Hartley smiled.
"I believe it is the only true way," returned his wife.
"And so do I, Anna. But the government of ourselves is not so easy a matter."
"I am well aware of that. No one, it seems to me, can try harder than I do to control my feelings when Clarence does wrong. But I cannot do it once in ten times that I make the effort. When I do succeed — the task of correction is easy and effectual. A word, mildly but firmly uttered, or a look, is all that is required. The child seems at once subdued. I am sometimes astonished at so marked a result, from what seems so small a cause."
"That you succeed once even in ten efforts, is certainly encouraging."
"It inspires me with the hope that I shall yet conquer myself, through the power sent me from God above. The earnest love I feel for my children, shall give me resolution to persevere."
The manner and words of Mrs. Hartley touched her husband.
"For their sakes, persevere, dear Anna!" he said with emotion.
"I will," was her tearful answer — the drops of pure feeling were dimming her eyes.
"There is still another reason why both you and I should resist every evil tendency of our natures," said Mr. Hartley. "We are well convinced, that our children can have no moral perversions which are not inherited from their parents."
"It is, alas! but too true. How sad the reflection that we entail a curse upon our offspring!"
"Sad indeed. But what is our duty?"
"A very plain one," returned Mrs. Hartley. "To resist evil in ourselves, and put it away — that our future offspring, should God add to the number of our jewels, may learn from us tendencies to good instead of tendencies to evil. This is the way in which we can care best for our children. The forms of all uncorrected evils in ourselves must, by the immutable law that everything produced bears the likeness and has the qualities of the producing cause — be in our children; and there is enough and more than enough surrounding everyone to excite his latent evils. Every wrong temper, every selfish feeling, that we conquer in ourselves — is just so much gain of good for our children."
"Yes, to subdue our own evils is the only sure way to correct them in our children. We weaken them in their transmission, and are in better states to correct them when they begin to appear."
How very few there are who think on this subject as did Mr. and Mrs. Hartley. Parents will indulge in all the evil tempers and dispositions of their sinful nature — they will nourish envy and pride, hatred, malice, and all manner of selfishness — and yet wonder at their existence in their children! They will indulge these evil things themselves — and yet be angry at their children, who have no motive for curbing their passions or hiding what they think or feel. It is not to be wondered at, that so few parents are successful in the government of their children — when it is seen that they have not learned to govern themselves.
From this time, both Mr. and Mrs. Hartley felt a new motive for striving after the correction in themselves of all moral evils and attitudes. The result was good. Mrs. Hartley found herself growing more patient and forbearing. She was able to stand, as it were, above her children — so as not to be affected by their wrong tempers and dispositions with anything but an earnest and unimpassioned desire to correct them. Her love was guided by right reason, instead of being obscured by anger, as had often been the case.
Having fairly set forth the principles of action which governed Mrs. Hartley in the management and education of her children — let us introduce her more fully to the reader, that she may be seen in the active effort to perform well a mother's part. The period already named, twelve years from the time of her marriage, will be the best for our purpose.
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