The Maiden CHAPTER 6.
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It was not long before Mrs. Leslie managed to bring Anna and Mr. Gardiner together at her house. This she did adroitly. Neither of the parties suspected her agency in the matter.
Since their last meeting, Anna had examined her own heart closely; she had also thought much about Gardiner, and endeavored to analyze his character as accurately as possible. The result was, a distinct conviction that, although she could not but feel an interest in him, he was not one whose moral feelings could harmonize with her own. The glimpse she had obtained of his character, when she told him that she must remain at home on account of her mother's illness, was enough to cause her to shrink from him.
in meeting him again, she could not but manifest the reserve and coldness she felt. This disturbed him; and his disturbed feelings reacted on here, and thus drove them further asunder. Mrs. Leslie saw all this, and tried hard to remove it; but without success. When Anna and the young man parted that night, both felt unhappy.
From this time, Gardiner, who was irritated at Anna's coldness, was resolved to win her. The very indifference she manifested, only inflamed the passion he felt. Mrs. Leslie became his confident and adviser in the matter, and through her, he gained a knowledge of all her movements; but not of all her feelings, for these were not communicated freely to the woman who professed for her so warm a friendship.
Thus matters went on for several months, during which time Gardiner called frequently at the house of Mr. Lee to see his daughter, and managed often to throw himself into his company, in a business way. In every casual or prolonged interview with Mr. Lee, Gardiner was exceedingly polite and deferential. The effect of all this upon the father's mind was favorable.
As for Anna, the oftener she met with the young man, the stronger was the sphere of repulsion that surrounded him. She could not tell why; but her heart shrunk from him more and more, daily. Spite of all she could do, she could not forget his manner, nor the expression of his face, on the evening she had declined going with him to Mrs. Leslie's, on the plea of duty to her sick mother.
One evening she was sitting at her piano, and playing over for her own pleasure, some favorite piece, when a servant came in, and said that her mother, who was alone in her room, wished to see her.
Anna went up, as desired.
"Sit down, dear; I have something I wish to say to you."
The manner in which Mrs. Lee spoke, caused the heart of Anna to sink heavily. There was something strange and ominous in it. She dropped into a chair by her mother's side, and looked earnestly in her face. Something half whispered to her the nature of what she was to hear.
"Your father, Anna, who went out a little while ago, wishes me to say to you," began the mother, in a voice that was neither clear nor composed, "that Mr. Herbert Gardiner has asked of him the privilege of claiming, with your consent, your hand in marriage."
The maiden rose quickly to her feet, and stood with a quivering lip before her mother.
"You have no doubt expected as much, Anna," added Mrs. Lee, after a pause. "Mr. Gardiner has visited you frequently of late."
Anna tried hard to speak, but it was nearly a minute before she could articulate. At length she said, in a tremulous voice, the tears starting from her eyes as she spoke —
"Mother — dear mother! Don't speak to me of that. I love you too well to wish to part from you."
And she sunk by her mother's side, and hid her face in her lap. Mrs. Lee was deeply moved. She placed one hand tenderly upon Anna's head, and, with the other, clasped the hand of her child that had fallen upon her bosom. For some time all was still. Then Mrs. Lee endeavored to raise Anna from her recumbent position; with some difficulty she succeeded in doing so, and placing her in a chair by her side. But the face of the maiden remained concealed in her hands.
"Anna, dear," again began the mother, "I respond with deep tenderness to the love you express. It will be a sad day for me, when I am called upon to give you up. But I cannot hide from myself the fact that I shall have to meet and go through the trial, sooner or later. I will not shrink from it, even if it should be tomorrow, if your best interests were concerned."
There was a pause, but no reply. Mrs. Lee resumed.
"Let your mother speak to you freely. She loves you best. Heretofore, she has always communicated with you unreservedly. Let her do so now. Be calm. Be a woman. Meet this subject, the most important in your life, with unruffled feelings. As I before said, Mr. Gardiner has declared to your father that he wishes to address you with views of marriage. He, in fact, through your father, offers you his hand. Do you accept it?"
There was a breathless silence.
"Speak, my child! What is your decision?"
"If left to my decision, mother, it is soon made," was the murmured reply.
"It rests with you, of course."
A quick shudder passed through the maiden's frame, which was distinctly felt by Mrs. Lee. Then she said in a firm voice —
"I decline his offer!"
"Anna!" and Mrs. Lee half started to her feet in surprise.
"Did you not say that I was to decide?"
"True. But how can you decide against him, of all others?"
"Because, of all others, I least regard him. The oftener I see him, the more strongly I am repulsed by him."
"Why?"
"I cannot tell."
A long silence followed, during which the mother's mind gradually became clear, and its perceptions distinct. Both herself and husband had been greatly pleased at the offer of Gardiner, and neither of them had entertained the most remote idea that Anna would have declined it. In doing so as promptly as she did, Mrs. Lee was thrown back upon herself, disappointed and confounded. But her good sense, true perceptions, and genuine affection for her child, restored, gradually, her mind's true tone and balance.
"It is for you, and you alone, Anna," she at length said, in a serious, yet affectionate voice, "to decide this matter, and your decision must settle the question. But in making it, have you well considered?"
"Mother, I have. Though too young to be called upon to decide a matter of so much importance, I have yet been compelled to do it; and it has not been without many a hard struggle, and many an earnest prayer for guiding light to Him whose wisdom is a lamp to our feet. I cannot say I have not been tempted strongly to make the decision in his favor."
"You knew, then, of his intended proposition to your father?"
"No. But I heard from a mutual friend, that he was visiting me with serious intentions of marriage, if I would consent, which seemed to be thought a matter of course. At that time I weighed the matter well, and shortly afterwards decided my course. Nothing has since occurred to make me waver, but rather to confirm my resolution. The oftener I meet him — the more repulsive does he seem to me. Sometimes I have a feeling of suffocation when in his company. And never do I come into his presence, without sending up an almost involuntary prayer, that the Lord would encompass me with a band of angels."
Mrs. Lee drew her arm tightly around her child. She was a woman with a true heart, and enlightened perceptions, and was, therefore, satisfied that Anna was not governed by anychildish impulse. That the mind of her daughter was as pure as virgin innocence itself, she knew; and she also knew, that the internal repulsion felt towards Gardiner, must arise from the opposition of the spheres of their moral qualities, felt as their thoughts were directed towards each other — for mutual thought makes mental presence, as perfectly as bodily proximity makes physical presence. Feeling thus, not the honor nor wealth of the world could have tempted Mrs. Lee to sacrifice her child.
In about an hour, Mr. Lee was heard coming in at the front door; and Anna, first kissing her mother tenderly, glided up to her own chamber. Closing the door after her, she sunk down by her bed-side upon her knees, and remained in that attitude for nearly half an hour. When she arose, her face was very pale, but elevated in expression, and beautiful to look upon. Seating herself by the window, she lifted her eyes to the pure sky, jeweled with its myriad stars, and bathed in the soft moonlight. There was about her, feelings a holy tranquillity — a deep consciousness of having acted right in a matter involving most vital consequences. The scene accorded with her feelings. Her state of mind was such, that nature could speak to her heart in its low, but earnest voice, a language free from human perverted passion. She listened to this voice. Her heart felt its breathings, and answered to them as the murmuring aeolian harp answers to the gentle breeze that seeks caressingly its yielding strings.
"This is my first strong trial," thus she thought after a time — "the first temptation my woman's heart has had to endure. How easily might I have fallen into this snare — but for the right instructions, and the protecting sphere of a true-minded mother. She gave me right principles by which to estimate all things around me, and guided my opening affections to things pure and elevated. Had I not been blessed with such a mother — so wise, so thoughtful, so judicious — my weak heart might have been dazzled by a brilliant offer, and I led to accept it — to the destruction of all my best hopes here, and perhaps hereafter!"
Anna slightly shuddered as this idea came vividly before her mind.
Some readers may think, that the little knowledge Anna had of the character of Gardiner, was not enough to cause her to feel, in rejecting his suit, so strongly as here represented. Let such a one know, that a maiden with moral feelings as pure and unselfish as were those of Anna Lee, needs but to have a corner of the veil lifted, in order to enable her to determine the quality of a lover's mind. As the quality of the whole ocean may be determined by that of a single drop, so may she, by a single clearly-seen phase of his moral character, determine its whole character. And Anna Lee did so. Not fully, at first, but undoubtingly; when, added to her rational convictions, came an instinctive feeling of repulsion towards him — as one who was impure, and deeply selfish.
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