The Goal of Integration
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In another webpage I explain why I believe people with Dissociative Identity Disorder have superior brains. So I don’t believe the goal of integration should be to become entirely like people have never had D.I.D., any more than the goal of a genius should be to lower himself to having “normal” intelligence. (I do not have D.I.D. myself, so I say this without bias.)
The goal should be for all the alters to be identified and work harmoniously as a team that dearly love and support each other, know each other's secrets, and have full access to each other’s memories and abilities. I think it best for them to normally sleep at the same time and be alert at the same time.
Towards Wholeness and Integration
A child alter, who had been formed because of sexual abuse, was greatly disturbed. She who had seen herself as a little girl had come to realize that she had the body of a mature woman. This alarmed her because she believed that a sexually mature body would make her more subject to unwanted male attention. She found comfort when I explained how having an adult’s strong body, and the authority and believability that goes with it, made her less vulnerable to molesters. But she was still upset by the thought of no longer being a child.
Among the blunders I mentioned earlier was telling an alter who thought she was four years old that she was an adult. This is the alter. Before I blundered, she had already grasped that she had an adult body. To point out that she also had an adult mind had seemed a small step to me, but not to her. Until then she had seen herself as a little girl trapped in an adult’s body. She found the thought of being a full adult horrifying because she saw it as being robbed of her childhood and of her dreams. After me telling her too early and too bluntly, she had coped primarily by living in denial of what I had said.
A couple of weeks later she asked, “How old am I really?”
I looked to the Lord, anxious not to make another mistake.
I began a careful explanation of how she had come to exist as an alter and concluded with, “It’s most unfair that you’ve been dumped with all the pain and have missed out on all the good memories, but Jesus suffered so that he could take all your pain upon himself. You got left behind when the rest of you grew up but God wants to make you happy by helping you catch up so that you are reunited with the rest of you. That way, you’ll get all the good memories that you deserve – the memories that you have for the moment been robbed of.”
I ended by specifically answering her question. “I believe that at present you are emotionally four years old. I’m not sure what your mental age is, but you certainly seem smarter than a four year old. And you have the beautiful, strong body of a mature woman. These three things are out of step. It’s no wonder you’re confused. It would be confusing for anyone. But God wants to heal you so that all of you is the one ‘age’ with happy memories and no confusion.”
Usually, when little alters fear losing their childhood, it indicates that they have not yet received all the fun, love and nurturing that they need. If this need were left unmet, the effect of deprivation during childhood would continue and one would expect the whole person would go through life suffering from unfulfilled emotional needs. If so, the Healing Lord understands and will not let these little alters miss out on what is needed for emotional wholeness. So little alters need not fear. God will not rush things. He will not let them miss out on the nurturing they long for.
As I continued to explain to her things mentioned elsewhere in this series of webpage's, peace began to settle upon this dear alter. She no longer saw herself as a separate person trapped in someone else’s body but as a vital part of one person. Now she saw herself as having been tragically disconnected from the rest of her and that union with her other parts represents true fulfilment and the end of confusion.
She was not the freak that she had seen herself as, but simply someone who, through no fault of her own, had been deeply wounded emotionally, and God wanted to heal that wound. Becoming one with her host was not the frightening loss that she feared but the gaining of new memories and abilities. It was discovering that she was a key piece in a jigsaw puzzle that would never make sense without her. It was a healing, a coming home, a restoration, becoming whole.
Just a little while later, this alter began finding herself merging with two of her fellow alters whenever they met with Jesus. I asked her what it felt like to be one with the other alters. She replied that it made her feel stronger, more capable and more alive. The experience took nothing from her; it added to her. It enriched her.
It is natural for alters to mistakenly suppose that integration would mean they would cease to exist. This is far from the truth. Not only will they never cease to exist, integration means gaining more abilities – the abilities of the other alters. There is no loss. It is a win-win. One woman with D.I.D. put it this way:
As much as I hate having this disorder I often used to worry about who I would be without it. Through your webpage I’ve learned it doesn’t have to be that way. I would be more, not less.
A woman had many alters who were excitedly discussing forming into groups of two or three and merging with each other. Some, while not committing themselves to permanency, were actually trailing it for a few days at a time. This had come about naturally, without the slightest input from any counsellor. Many of them would have loved to merge with their protector alter whom they greatly admired.
The protector refused, fearing that merging would result in gaining each other’s weaknesses. She worried that gaining any weakness would lower her ability to protect the alters, should that need ever arise. Moreover, she did not want to inflict her own weaknesses upon any other alter.
I told her I expected that each would gain the other’s strengths and that weaknesses would disappear unless all the alters she merged with had the same weakness. At my suggestion she asked God about it. He always comes up with brilliant insights.
He replied that it would be best to wait a little while before merging with any other alter and that she should focus first on merging with God. This alter was already a very committed Christian but at times was a little tentative in her relationship with God, as is typical of someone whose trust has been seriously violated by humans. Of course, God’s response is very scriptural. For example:
1 Corinthians 6:16-17 . . . For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
The alter concluded that by merging with the perfect Lord, her own weaknesses would cease to be an issue.
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