Techniques, Positions and Perversions

Questions invariably arise about which techniques and positions for sex are best or permissible, and whether or not there are any limits on what can be done before perversion enters.

The Bible is explicit on some matters, guides in principle on others, and is silent on still others. The apostle Paul was inspired to record “Marriage is honourable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4). The latter phrase here can also be translated “let the marriage bed be undefiled” because the remainder of the passage states, “but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Much of what occurs in the marriage bedroom—the bed—is the sole business of husband and wife. What occurs there is their decision, and should not spread outside the home through gossip and idle chatter. It is personal and private, and should stay that way—with the exception of when a couple may need to seek wise counsel to solve problems beyond their experience. This can certainly be the case and couples should always feel that they can go to one of God’s true servants, or to a physician when necessary, without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or inadequate. (Remember, lovemaking is an art, and no two couples are exactly alike. Experienced counsel can alleviate most difficulties.)

There are an almost endless number of specific techniques that could be discussed here, and books and magazines are literally filled with them. It is not the purpose, nor is it within the scope, of this volume to discuss every conceivable kind of manner or method in which people may approach sexual intercourse or intimacy. (The next several paragraphs will touch a little more on the principle that offers one of the most important guidelines for which techniques should or should not be used by either mate, when God’s Word is silent.)

Exact positions and methods in which intercourse may occur become the greatest question for many. We have already seen that either the male or female superior position is certainly correct and desirable. Understanding why this is so begins to open the door to understanding certain boundaries.

Think for a moment about exactly how God designed the male and female anatomy. The husband is generally slightly taller than the wife. At least in part, God designed the male and female bodies this way to permit the natural placement of the penis, because it enters the vagina from below (regardless of which mate is on top), to place the couple in a face-to-face position. The penis and vagina were placed where they were—and this includes in the front of the body!—for this purpose. Think about what would have happened had it been designed in any other way.

Therefore, the most optimum position for sex—and this applies to sitting, standing or lying down—is with the couple facing each other. This permits them to speak to one another, and to look into each other’s eyes at the same time. It both allows and enhances such conversation so that it carries more meaning—so that it can be more personal and loving. Never forget that the greatest purpose of sexual intercourse, in addition to that of reproduction, is to express and share love together in a God-plane relationship. This love relationship is crucial in every regard, and thus governs most—though not all—questions about techniques and positions.

Perversion Versus Love

Some additional particulars must be covered. Regardless of how widespread it may have become, sodomy (the penis entering the anus) is absolute perversion, and God condemns it outright in the Scriptures. Of course, the very term derives directly from Sodom and Gomorrah, in which homosexuality was rampant. It takes no imagination to understand what the wicked men (all the women of these cities were also destroyed for similar evil) of these cities were doing. Besides the obvious element of hygiene, and the filthiness involved, the entire act is simply unnatural to the way God designed the body. There are also attendant physical problems and certain undesirable effects for the woman who may be asked to accept, or who may even desire, this kind of activity.

On the other hand—and this can sometimes be necessary when, for instance, the husband may be battling impotence, or the wife has long, extended periods of menstruation—mutual manual stimulation is not an unacceptable act, as it does not involve filthy hygiene or put the couple in a position where they cannot be face-to-face. This is simply a matter of personal choice.

Comprehend this overarching principle. Love would never—NEVER!—force a mate to do anything that is personally distasteful or repugnant, or that, for various reasons, would be physically uncomfortable to the other partner. Although both mates should be willing to overcome shyness and prudery at all costs, this becomes its own guide to decision-making about techniques and various positions. There can and should necessarily be a willingness and freedom to enjoy certain natural experimentation.

Understand further. Where God is truly silent on a matter, leaving no principles in His Word that speak to it, this volume must also remain silent. Certainly, other issues and questions can arise: Understanding the all-important and overarching role of love—of OUTGOING CONCERN for one’s mate—allows a couple to make almost every decision about what they will or will not, can or cannot, do.

Unseen Benefit

One final point should be mentioned here, because it shows evidence of a loving God’s creative design.

Preliminary lovemaking prior to sexual intercourse carries a hidden benefit to married couples. There is evidence to indicate that sustained body contact for the usual fifteen to thirty minutes is therapeutic and beneficial. It results in relaxing nervous tension and in providing a sense of mental well-being for both partners after orgasm—which itself God designed to be an enormous emotional release, and perhaps even more so for the woman. However, when arousal occurs in one or both mates and the male reaches climax prematurely, the female remains with potentially great nervous tension having built up with no outlet for it. Sleeplessness can be the result. In case this happens, the man should set his alarm clock for later and complete his duty to his wife.

Although interruptions due to the healing process after the birth of a baby, illness, injury, lengthy travel, or other unforeseen reasons can occasionally appear, every kind of problem and inconsistency can be worked out by intelligent cooperation and a willingness to serve and give to the needs of the other mate. This is love!

In time, sexual relations in marriage between the loving husband and the loving wife should develop a more understanding and mature concern and devotion to one another. This has been designed by the all-wise, brilliant Creator to continue throughout the marriage, as husbands and wives grow to truly treasure and cleave to one another, according to God’s will.

After experiencing the wonderful benefits of these principles, such couples will also want to be sure that their children are given a chance to one day experience the same.