Not as Weird as You Think

Next Part Understanding Alters

An older term for Dissociative Identity Disorder is Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). Regardless of name, its existence has been recognized by researchers at least as early as the 1800s.

In a sense, we all have multiple personalities and switch between them according to our circumstances. We would act differently, for instance, in each of the following circumstances:

In the presence of a head of state
When alone with our spouse
On a night out with the girls/guys
When playing with children
When depressed

In other ways, too, everyone has “multiple personalities.” For example, we might say, “My heart says one thing, but my head says another.” The ability to see things from such different perspectives can be a significant asset. When indecisive, we speak of being “in two minds.” When dieting we are not sure which part of us will win – the part wanting to be thin or part wanting to keep eating. In Romans 7, Paul devoted almost an entire chapter detailing the battle within myself between the part of him wanting to obey God and the part wanting to indulge himself. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”(Romans 7:15).

So having multiple personalities is not nearly as abnormal as it first seems. Moreover, dissociation is normal. In order to focus on the task at hand, all of us sometimes temporarily put unpleasant memories out of our minds, or tune out to such distractions as background noises. It is just that for some people this natural tendency is done to a greater extent. For them, shutting off awareness of certain distressing things is done so effectively that a separate consciousness forms within the person, with part of the person knowing, feeling and thinking some things that the other part does not.

Therapists call each distinct identity an alternate personality or, to use a term already introduced, alter for short. As mentioned, the term insider is also sometimes used. The personality that controls the person most often is usually referred to as the host. A part that has been host for years might suddenly experience new trauma that causes it to go into deep hiding and another alter is formed to become a new host. This new host might split and form new alters who see themselves as having split off from the new host, and they seem themselves as connected to the new host than to the former host. Whether host or alter, however, every part of a person is important. They are all part of the one person and, to be whole, a person needs every part.

People (hosts) who are just becoming aware that have D.I.D. are often tempted to feel superior to their alters and regard them as little more than nuisances. A friend of mine, who is himself a host, beautifully corrects this mistaken notion:

In my system, I’m the “host”. By that I mean I’m the one my alters laid their lives on the line to protect. I’m the one for whom my alters gave up so much in order to keep safe. I’m the one they held above the water, while they drowned, as it were. They gave up living in this life and held on to agonizingly painful experiences and situations so that I could survive and move on, while for years they were locked away in the dark haunted by those experiences without contact with the outside world.

I owe them everything, and each time I communicate with any of them I do my best to treat them with the same respect that I would treat someone who lost their legs diving under a truck to save the life of one of my children. Yes, they can be very angry. Yes, they can be annoying, controlling, distracting, painful to live with, but so might someone dealing with the consequences of having lost their legs saving my child. Regardless of that anger, I would happily immerse myself in it to give them one ounce of relief, especially after what they went through for me. It’s the least I could do.

The exciting thing is that I’ve found that as I treat them with respect and let them know that their needs are important to me by working with them on getting those needs met and allowing them time to just be themselves in a safe environment where they aren’t judged, they heal. They start to realize that those situations they held deep inside themselves have now past, and that they are now safe. As they are cared for, they start to use their skills to contribute meaningfully to our family – the whole person of whom I am a part.

For example, I have an alter called Do, who is very fast at getting things done. He now helps when we have limited time to get things done really quickly. This morning he came out to help me get my kids ready for swimming lessons. He managed to get them completely dressed, bags packed, everything in under eight minutes. Normally that would take me around an hour.

As mentioned, if you suspect you have an alters, conversing directly with them is the only sure way to confirm their existence, but that is like trying to entice undercover agents to admit they have been spying on you and freely tell you everything. Moreover, getting to this point with an alter is a life-changing step not to be taken lightly. Once one alter begins spilling the beans and finding acceptance, others are likely to become emboldened to likewise make themselves known, and your life will probably never be the same again. Even if – as I expect will happen – by the journey’s end it proves highly beneficial, there will almost certainly be times when you regret ever starting this journey to peace and wholeness. I warn you not to start this process without being sure you are led of God in every step of the way, including your choice of counsellor. On the other hand, doing nothing (and so keeping alters feeling rejected and in more or less enforced solitary confinement) is also strewn with dangers. In fact, doing nothing could be the worst mistake of your life.

Alters typically carry so much pain that ignoring them might be all it takes to make them suicidal. I wish I didn’t have to give this chilling warning, but to end up with a suicidal alter could be more than just unpleasant for you, it is at least theoretically possible for that alter to succeed in killing you despite you wanting to live.

The most knowledgeable people say you should never act solely on the basis of written information about Dissociative Identity Disorder but should seek an appropriately qualified and experienced professional, and that even such experts, like other health professions, need liability insurance. Certainly, this webpage is no do-it-yourself manual and although my considerable experience helping people with alters I should not call myself an expert. On the other hand, I know of only one infallible expert – the Lord Jesus Christ – and I plead with you to earnestly seek his guidance before doing anything, and likewise before deciding for the exceedingly risky option of doing nothing.

It is not uncommon for abuse survivors to go through life unaware that there are suppressed parts of them (alters) until one of the alters finally makes his/her presence felt when the person is beginning to heal. Alters have two pressing, but conflicting, needs. One is to burst out of the agony of solitary confinement by communicating with someone. The other need is to avoid further rejection and ridicule by remaining in isolated silence. When their host begins to seem more accepting of them or they find someone such as a trustworthy, understanding counsellor or friend who they think might accept them, the balance between these conflicting needs could tip in favor of the alters believing it seems safe enough to risk revealing themselves. So they might suddenly start communicating for the first time. If they think they can trust someone more than their host, they might briefly switch off their host’s awareness so that the host knows nothing of the conversation.

So despite alters longing to end their isolation, it is rare for them to reveal themselves if they think they are likely to be rejected or thought lowly of. If you have alters, they will probably be able to hear your thoughts and words on some occasions but not on others. So an alter could perhaps be enticed to converse with you if you were, on several different occasions, to say to yourself something along these lines:

If anyone can hear me, I want to apologize for any way I have offended you. I didn’t want to believe you were real but I now understand that I was wrong. I want to love and accept you and would value you sharing with me. Please speak to me.

Don’t try this right now, however. There are dangers to avoid that are explained in the rest of this webpage and the two webpage's it leads to.

It usually helps if you speak out loud (or at least in an audible whisper) to your alters. If you suspect you might know the alters' name or something about the alter, use this information as you speak. This, too, might increase the chance of a reply.

Next Part Understanding Alters