MY RELATIONS
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I have not, according to the usual mode of histories, brought my reader in the former part of my tale acquainted with an account of my connections in the world. The reason has been, that objects of an higher and more interesting nature claimed a priority of attention. It would not even now be at all important in the memoirs of a Pilgrim to Zion, to inquire "To whom related or by whom begotten?" but if he wishes to know, he may be told, that I have not been without the enjoyment of those sweet charities of life. The Lord has given me many who are very near and very dear to my affection in the ties of nature. Even in the moment while writing, I feel all the tender influences of the claim, and pause to lift an eye of humble supplication to the God of all grace, that he may give to "everyone of them grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ." Grace does not destroy, it only heightens and refines our feelings.
Among the number there was one more intimately wrapped about my heart, whose influence in everything but religion I have ever found it to be both my interest and happiness to feel; for whom there needs no other claim than nature's feelings to call forth every energy of the mind in the promotion of her welfare; and in grace, my earliest and last prayers for her salvation will cease but with my breath.
Perhaps some reader, circumstanced in the same peculiarity of situation and of sentiment, may feel his mind drawn out in a similar affection. "As in water face answers to face, so the heart of man to man." (Prov. 27:19.)
I sustained very much of conflicts and persecutions from the whole of my unawakened relations; but from her, in the sweet and almost irresistible claims in which her arguments were encircled, tenfold more than all. "You have made up your mind, I suppose," said one of them to me, in a very pointed and half angry manner, one day when the conversation had been serious, "to forego all your future prospects in this world.
Neither the profits nor pleasures of this life can be worth your attention and as to the scorn and derision of mankind, no doubt you move in an atmosphere too high to be sensible of it." "I do very earnestly wish," said another "that you would reflect, before it be too late, on the folly and scandal of associating yourself with such low and ignorant people as you have lately made your companions—a man of your education and ability to be seen with such! Have you no pride, no regard to your own character?"
A third upbraided me with blasting all the hopes of my family, and that I should certainly bring myself to beggary. And a fourth very jocularly desired me first to be assured of the reality of what I professed to be looking forward to another world for, before I relinquished all the prospects and enjoyment of this.
But all these were trifling, compared to the solicitations, the remonstrance's, the jealousies, displeasure, and a long train of other persuasions, with which that very near and tender friend before mentioned armed herself to prevail upon me to relinquish my pursuit; and if no power but nature had been with me to resist her claim, very sure am I, that I must have yielded to entreaties coming from an advocate so endearing. "If," said she, in a moment of peculiar solemnity, after speaking of a dear friend to both, departed into the world of spirits, "if those new sentiments of yours be really founded in truth, what is become of him who died?
It is impossible that so much sweetness and amiableness can be lost." The reader who knows what the conflicts of nature and grace mean; whose heart at times is like that of the Shunamite, in the contentions of two armies, will know somewhat of what I have felt in those seasons.—Adored Redeemer, I have not lacked, you know, that evidence of being your follower, in plucking out an eye, cutting off an arm, and taking up a cross! It was the legacy of my late companion, that I might know the fellowship of Christ's sufferings; and here was an answer to his prayer.
It was much about the same period, while thus deeply exercised with the unceasing importunity and persecutions of my relations, that I received a more formidable assault from another quarter. While I was seeking consolation from retirement and reading, in the intervals of a more important engagement, a circumstance arose, in consequence of the latter, which very much affected me.
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