Loyalty to Christ Independent of Environment
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Dear friend,
With regard to the matter of which you wrote so fully, I dare not say much. In affairs of the heart, especially in matters which relate to the expediency or inexpediency of marriage, none can really and finally determine what the duty is, except the people concerned. But your letter shows that you are by no means certain yourself concerning duty. It seems to me that the step you have taken, has made you very unhappy.
Reading between the lines, as well as in the lines which you have written, it seems quite evident to me that you have a very warm affection for your friend. You cannot give him up readily. Indeed, you have not given him up, for you are thinking about reopening the case, or, at least, considering whether you ought not to seek the restoration of the engagement.
I think one of the serious faults of your character is your self-consciousness. You look too much into your own heart. There is too much introspection. You try to weigh motivesand feelings and affections too minutely. You need to get away from yourself.
Some of the reasons you suggest for dropping the engagement, it seems to me, amount to nothing. You speak of being afraid to live in your city, because it is not quite theologically up to your standard. In the first place, you do not know what it would be to you. That city has some advanced ideas, and so have most cities. The people there believe in themselves pretty heartily, and the world laughs at them a little for this. But, after all, they have a good deal to be proud of. It seems to me that we need never fear the influence of environmenton our religious life, if we are firmly settled ourselves as to our duty. Loyalty to Christ is the heart of religion — sincere friendship for him, friendship devoted, unwavering, strong and controlling.
Remember, however, that, while the heart of the matter never changes, the expression does change. Loyalty to Christ may not mean quite the same in your city, as it means in New York City. I do not mean that when we are in Rome — we must do as the Romans do.
You remember that even Paul spoke about becoming all things to all men that he might win the more. He did not mean ever to sacrifice principle, or to conform to the world in any sense; he only meant that even true devotion to Christ took on a different form in different environments and conditions and circumstances. When a country girl comes into a city, she has to put away a good many of her country ways, adapting herself to the social life and customs of the city.
This may make her no less a beautiful woman, and no less true; it is simply the same woman adapting her life to new conditions. Your religious life in New York City moves in certain grooves. Perhaps in your city it might change its form a little and its mode of expression, remaining meanwhile just as loyal to Christ and truth as it is today.Wherever we go, we must seek to exert a wholesome influence for Christ. This we can do, not by conforming to the world; neither can we do it by keeping up our little peculiaritiesand insisting that these are parts of our Christian life.
I think you understand what I am trying to say — that if you are loyal to Christ and continue loyal to him, you need not fear the new environment in which you would find yourself in. Besides this, every woman lives in her own home, and has but a certain measure of her life to live in the world outside. Do not be afraid of this. If you marry a man whom you love with all your heart, you will care very little for the external things. Together, your lives blending in sweet unity, you will work for Christ and pour forth a holy influence which shall make all the air sweeter about you. Then what a blessing you will be to all who know you!
I have not given you any advice — I cannot do this. At least, I cannot advise you whether to seek the restoration of the engagement or not. I only tell you that I am quite sure you are not happy in your present condition with the suspended engagement. I think you will be wise to weigh the matter very carefully. But, if this engagement is restored, you must do so heartily and cheerfully. You must not complain and make the young man feel that you are doing it with only half a heart. No marriage should ever be entered into in this way. Whatever you do — do heartily, cheerfully, without any feeling of doubt or uncertainty. May God guide you.
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