Keeping up Appearances CHAPTER 10.
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On the evening that Lucy Hartman formed the subject of conversation between Mr. Lewis and Annetta Laurie, she was with her aunt. As Mr. Lewis had said, part of a house had been rented, at the suggestion of Lucy; and into this her aunt had removed the remnant of her furniture, and once more held to her bosom the loving — but truly high-minded girl, whom no inducement could tempt from her duty to herself. Life's fiery trial had revealed the pure gold of her character, and made it shine brighter from the many contrasts around her.
"I prayed, dear aunt," she said, with tears in her eyes, as they sat together on that evening, "that the day might come which would fully prove the love and gratitude I bore you."
"I never doubted it, for an instant, my child. It needed not this evidence to convince me of the fact," replied Mrs. Hartman.
There was silence for some time. Then Lucy said, with a tremulous voice —
"Aunt, tell me truly, did you in your heart blame me? Did your heart approve or disapprove my refusal to become the wife of Mr. Burnside, even under the circumstances?"
"My dear child!" replied Mrs. Hartman, with emotion, "I have never blamed you; but have thanked Heaven, over and over again, that you had the firmness to do right, even with such potent influences against you. In all the wreck and ruin in which we were involved, I have never once regretted your course. You did right, my child, and that consciousness, though all the world condemn, is heaven's smile of approval."
"But my uncle?" murmured Lucy.
"The passionate words he uttered in the bewildering agony arising from the bitter disappointment your answer occasioned, were the last ever spoken in connection with your name, that were not marked by tenderness and good-will," replied Mrs. Hartman. "You don't, of course, know that on the very morning you left our house, Mr. Burnside withdrew his proposal for your hand. So you are clear of all consequences that your refusal, if made, could have occasioned."
"And you don't know," returned Lucy, "that this withdrawal was occasioned by my own act."
"How by your own act?" inquired Mrs. Hartman.
Lucy then related all the circumstances connected with her visit to the house of Mr. Burnside, and the interview that had passed between them. Her aunt was speechless with surprise.
"I know that I acted very wrong," Lucy said. "But I did it all for the best. I could not consent to become his wife; that was impossible; but I hoped to gain all for my uncle that he looked for in my marriage, and to do this, I was willing to make any effort and any sacrifice that I dared make. I am afraid, however, that I did harm instead of good, and this has troubled me more than anything else. Before I went to the house of Mr. Burnside, it seemed to me that if I would throw myself upon his generous feelings, and then make an appeal for aid in behalf of my uncle, all that I desired would be gained. But I was not long in his presence, before I saw that I had committed a great mistake; and I then retired as quickly as possible. I said nothing about uncle's circumstances or needs — but I admitted that he was desirous that I should accept the offer of marriage, and I fear, created a suspicion of the truth in his mind."
"It was an error, doubtless," Mrs. Hartman said, in reply; "but an error committed under circumstances of extreme distress and confusion of mind, and with a good end in view. You are not, therefore, to blame, Lucy. If blame attaches anywhere, it is to those who forced you into a situation where so much doubt attended every step, no matter in what direction it was taken."
"My uncle had no suspicion of this?"
"Not the least."
"I am glad of that, for it might have created in his mind the impression that to my direct agency was attributable his failure in business."
"No; he would not have thought so, even if he had known the fact you have just related to me," returned Mrs. Hartman. "No temporary relief, such as he would have obtained from Mr. Burnside, even if you had married him, would have saved his business. Of that he was subsequently well convinced, and has often said so. After his failure, he came into the possession of information in regard to Mr. Burnside, which fully satisfied him that little advantage would have accrued to him by your marriage, had it taken place."
"He did not, then, blame me at the last?" said Lucy.
"No, dear. Very far from it. I have more than once heard him say, that he was thankful you did not become the wife of Mr. Burnside; and I know he was prouder of you than if you had been a queen, although he was always so serious and reserved when you came to see us. He admired your independence, at the same time that he was grieved and mortified at the cause that led you to the course of action you thought best to adopt."
"Oh! what a mountain your words have taken from my heart!" Lucy spoke, in a changed tone, and with a brightening countenance. "Deeply has the thought, that my uncle felt in his heart that I had acted ungratefully towards him, pained me. I could not get it out of my mind. It haunted me day and night — sleeping and waking. And yet, I knew that I was not ungrateful. I know that, for his comfort and happiness, I was ready to sacrifice almost anything. But now, my heart is at rest. Oh! what would I not have given to have known this before!"
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