II. This is the language of strong self-condemnation.
II. This is the language of strong self-condemnation.
The process by which the sinner becomes impressed with a sense of his guilt, originates in the new view which he gains of the divine law . Hitherto, his views of that law have been loose and vague: he has practically regarded it as taking cognizance only of the external act; and not improbably has flattered himself that, if he were decent in his outward deportment, he would thereby yield an obedience to the law which might be accepted as a ground of his justification. But under the enlightening influence of the Holy Spirit, his mistakes on this subject are all corrected; and the law of God, instead of being regarded as little more than a dead letter, is felt, like the Omniscient eye, to be a Searcher of the heart; and like the Almighty hand, to operate with a resistless energy. It is seen, moreover, to be altogether worthy of its author; perfectly reasonable and just in its requisitions; an admirable transcript of the moral perfections of God.
Now you easily see how this new view of the divine law operates to produce conviction of guilt. If the law has its foundation in everlasting righteousness, and is perfectly holy, just, and good; if it is that which binds together the moral kingdom of Jehovah, and is an exact expression of his will in respect to all his intelligent creatures—then how evil and bitter a thing must sin be, which is the violation of this law: how deserving of God's supreme abhorrence must be that evil, which pours contempt upon his character, and insolently tramples upon his authority!
It is in view of the moral excellence of the law, then, that the sinner discovers and estimates the inherent odiousness of sin: but in estimating his own personal guilt, he more especially takes into view the extent of its requisitions; considering it as designed to control the inner man of the heart; as extending to every thought, and purpose, and motive, and desire, through every period of man's existence.
How differently does the sinner now estimate the number of his sins, from what he did before he practically understood the comprehensive import of God's law! Time has been, it may be, when he scarcely considered himself a sinner at all; and when, if he had undertaken to reckon with his conscience, he would have thought only of flagrant acts of transgression, and would have estimated the guilt even of them chiefly by their untoward influence upon society. But now he is almost exclusively occupied in calling up sins of the heart; sins of every day, and hour, and moment; sins of which the world never took cognizance, and of which, at the time they were committed, he scarcely took cognizance himself. He sees that he has been living in constant rebellion against God; that he has steadily and perseveringly refused a practical acknowledgment of his authority; and that too against motives of the most tender and affecting import. He charges himself with the blackest ingratitude; for when he looks back upon his past life, he sees that he has been continually led by a most gracious hand, and that blessings have constantly multiplied in his path; and yet he beholds no monuments of grateful homage; no Ebenezers on which is inscribed "Hitherto has the Lord helped me."
Perhaps he has been a diligent attendant on the means of grace; has been regularly at the sanctuary, and it may be has even daily read the scriptures, and sometimes fallen upon his knees, and taken upon his lips the language of devotion; and in all this, he may have formerly thought that he was doing much to commend himself to the divine favor: but now he sees nothing better in these services, by which he had deceived himself, and perhaps deceived others also, than the hollow homage of a formalist; and here, as truly as any where, he reads the sentence of his condemnation. How many complaining reflections does he find himself to have indulged against God, because he may have sometimes in mercy blasted his foolish purposes , or withheld from him something which, if it had been bestowed, would have ministered only to his destruction! How large a part of all the thoughts that he has ever had, does he find, on review, to have been vain and evil; how many of his words have been idle and frivolous; how many of his purposes have originated in pride or revenge; how many of his desires have been polluted and groveling; how many actions which to the eye of man may have appeared praiseworthy and even noble—does he now perceive to have been dictated not merely by a spirit of forgetfulness of God—but by a spirit of active rebellion against him. In short, his sins of omission or commission, of heart or life, appear as numerous as the moments of his existence; and he feels that an effort to recall them all to remembrance, were as vain as to attempt to count the drops in the ocean.
But while the convinced sinner dwells with astonishment on the number of his sins, or rather finds them literally innumerable, he is equally overwhelmed by a sense of their aggravation . He perceives that they are not the sins of a heathen, who has never heard of Christ or salvation; but they have been committed, it may be, in the very brightest sunshine of gospel day. They have been committed, while the Bible, with all its solemn warnings, and all its gracious invitations, and all its treasures of mercy, has been within his reach; while the Sabbath has weekly dawned upon him, and the sanctuary has opened its doors for him, and the ministers of Christ have spread before him the provision of the gospel, and have expostulated with him to attend to the things that belong to his peace. They have been committed, moreover, in spite of the kind rebukes and earnest entreaties of pious friendship; in spite of the remonstrances of his own conscience; in spite of the strivings of the Holy Spirit; in spite of all the condescension, the agonies, and the intercession of Jesus; in spite of the offered glories of heaven, and the threatened woes of perdition. The fact that he has sinned against so much light and love, and that he has persevered in sinning, when there were so many considerations to deter him from it, seems to him to stamp upon his guilt a peculiarly aggravated character.
And then again, he perceives how completely vain and foolish were the excuses with which he had quieted himself in a sinful course: he is compelled to give them all to the winds, and to feel that he stands before God without the shadow of an apology. Does he justify his past neglect of true religion, on the ground that he had no time to attend to it; or on the ground that, in attending upon the means of grace, he had done all that it was in his power to do; or on the ground that there would be a future more convenient season? No such thing. He feels that his sins have been altogether voluntary and causeless, and have exposed him most justly to God's threatened curse.
It is a common case that a sinner in these circumstances actually believes himself to be the most guilty of all beings, even worse than the reprobate in hell; for while he can invent apologies for others, he cannot for a moment admit any for himself. He is not indeed, as some dreaming speculatists would have it, willing to encounter eternal perdition; but that he deserves it, is as clear to him as that the light shines around him amidst the brightness of noon-day. He wonders that such a wretch as himself is permitted to breathe the air, or enjoy the light, or walk upon the earth; and it is difficult for him to believe that his next move will not be to the eternal prison of despair.
I have already intimated that there is, in some respects, a great variety in the experience of convinced sinners, some being far more deeply affected than others. But in every case which issues in conversion, there is not only a general conviction of the evil of sin—but a particular conviction of personal guilt, and of the justice of the sentence which dooms to God's everlasting displeasure. This conviction may be acquired suddenly, or it may be acquired gradually: it may be more or less pungent: but in some form or other, and in some degree or other, it makes part of the experience of every sinner, who is brought to a practical knowledge of the excellence and glory of the gospel.