How do I deal with memories of childhood rejection?

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By Charles F. Stanley

I had just preached a sermon on God’s unconditional love, when a young man approached me, struggling to keep his composure. The emotional trauma he had suffered was overwhelming. He was at a point where he falsely believed the only escape from his hopelessness was suicide. I assured him this was never an option from God’s perspective. No matter what we face, He is a God of hope and restoration—not death or condemnation.

While growing up, this young man had been repeatedly told that his life would never amount to anything. The ugly remarks he heard as a child had made a lasting impact on his life. Mentally, he told himself that he was a failure. He believed he would never have the opportunity to experience happiness. He had fought to keep a job and to hold on to relationships. Even though he witnessed people around him succeeding in many areas, he assumed the opposite for himself—that is, until he met the Saviour. Not until that morning had he heard the truth: God loved him unconditionally. At first, he found this impossible to believe. After years of verbal abuse, he could not understand how anyone would like him, let alone love him. But God does love him.

What About You?

Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation. You may struggle with some memory that has shattered your sense of self-esteem. You wonder if you can ever truly be free of the negative harassment that follows you every where you go. The answer is yes. You may also wonder how God could care for you. I want to assure you that He does. The fact is, He loves without hesitation—and with no regard to what you have or have not done in response to the brokenness in your life. His love is not based on performance; it is based on the fact that Jesus Christ died for your sins. Because of this, you can live each day free from doubt and worry about your past.

However, unless you have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, you are not experiencing this liberty. Even believers can still be tethered to old defeating thoughts and habits if they have never come to grips with the sorrow of their past. Yet, Jesus came to set us free (John 8:32).

God wants you to know that you do not have to live imprisoned by thoughts of low self-esteem. He will liberate you from this bondage when you ask Him to open your heart to the truth of His love and acceptance.

The Pathway to Freedom

When you accept Christ as your Saviour and confess your need of Him, He will fill your heart with much more than you could ever imagine. First, you gain an eternal hope. You gain the assurance that will live forever with the God of this universe, who created you, knows all about you, and loves you completely. Second, when ask Him to cleanse you of your sins, He will do exactly that. He will also give you a newness that this world cannot comprehend. Sin may have robbed you of many joys, but it cannot steal the eternal joy Christ places within your heart when you receive His love.

In Luke 4:18, Jesus read from the book of Isaiah, telling those who had gathered in the synagogue, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed me to preach the gospel [or good news] to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed.” The Greek term translated “gospel,” which is used here for the first time, literally means “good news.” This same term is used of good report from the battlefield. It was the Saviour's word of hope to those who were struggling with fears, doubts, sorrows, and deep emotional scars. God was saying, “There is a victory in the battle, and the way to experience it is through Me.”

Jesus came to earth for a specific reason. Many people—especially the Jewish rulers—believed the Messiah’s mission was to free Israel from Roman rule and bondage. However, Jesus made it clear that His calling was to “proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed” (Luke 4:18). He also said He did not come to condemn but to save those who longed for a Saviour. “For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him” (John 3:17).

Jesus came to set men and women free from the power of sin. Countless people are living in bondage but do not even know it. They are bound by something they cannot identify. Many sit in church week after week, listening to sermons, singing songs, giving their time and money, reading their Bibles, and praying. But deep inside they wonder, is this all there is to life? They cannot shed the guilty feelings of the past, so they want to give up the fight. Their hearts are chained.

Hope for the Hurting

An example from scripture demonstrates the way to freedom. Bartimaeus, a destitute blind man, called out to Jesus. After Christ asked what he desired, the beggar asked for sight. Instantly, the Savior healed him. He also healed the heart of the young man I described earlier who grew up with discouraging words. His was the same cry: “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me!” God answered by giving him the ability to learn a new way to approach life. Instead of recalling old memories and replaying thoughtless comments, he began to study Scripture. He discovered that God has loved him his entire life. What a transformation: he went from deep bondage to extreme liberty!

The same can be true for you. There has never been a moment when you have been outside of God’s eternal care. While you may have faced dark valleys, God promises to use each one to draw you closer to Him. He wants you to experience supreme joy and peace. The Lord told His disciples, “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me” (John 14:1). God wants to remind you that faith in Jesus Christ is the only solution for the troubled heart.

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