Hindrances to Integration
Next Part Dead Alters
Total healing and full integration might take years but the good news is that throughout your healing journey you will enjoy the benefits of continual improvement. Like a young athlete who will become world champion, you will keep getting better and better even though you cannot expect to reach your peak in just a few months.
The first step towards full integration is for alters to reveal themselves. By reading these webpage's you have come to understand that each alter needs to feel safe enough to do this and that upon first surfacing, each alter usually has so much pain – and sometimes bad habits – that the host and already-surfaced alters are reluctant for a new alter to manifest himself/herself. So the surfacing of alters is usually a slow, drawn-out process and yet even then the person usually feels that it is happening too quickly. There are various factors affecting how long it takes for all alters to be identified. An obvious factor is how many alters a person has. People who have suffered long term Satanic Ritual Abuse could have over a hundred.
Even with daily counselling and only thirty alters who get on well with each other, it is likely to take at least a year for all alters to be identified. Moreover, I know of no way of ascertaining that every alter has revealed himself/herself. Often there are alters that no other alter is aware of, and even if an alter knows, he or she might feel obligated not to reveal another alters' existence without that alters' permission. Thankfully, invaluable moves towards integration will begin long before all alters have appeared. As alters mature, they will become increasing alike and various alters will team up.
Beyond the mere surfacing of alters, full integration is also slow. What particularly makes integration a drawn out process is that each alter must want it. Just because certain alters have been conversing with you for months and have undergone significant healing does not mean that they do not have further serious issues that need to be worked through before they are ready to integrate. There are so many potential obstacles to an alter wanting integration. Let’s list some of them.
- An unwillingness to accept present-day reality
The person’s real gender, actual age or current marital status are examples of reality than an alter might not be ready to accept. Desperately wanting to keep living in denial would make such an alter recoil from uniting with an alter who accepts reality.
- An unwillingness to accept truths known to another alter
An alter might, for example, be so desperate to love and respect a certain person (a parent, perhaps) that it refuses to believe another alters' experiences that shatter the myth – perhaps by proving that the person was an abuser. For such an alter, integration would involve gaining memories that the alter refuses to accept. So the alter will remain separate until it is willing to accept this.
- Wanting to monopolize access to a certain skill
An alters' concern that she might end up ignored or undervalued by other alters could move the alter to keep other alters dependent upon her by monopolizing access to a certain skill or useful memories she has. Integration involves each alter having full access to all memories and skills, and until she feels more secure, such an alter will refuse to let this happen.
- Fear that integration means ceasing to exist
I have explained earlier in this series of webpage's the benefits to alters of integration.
- Maintaining a different sleep schedule from the other alters
An alter might prefer to avoid stress by sleeping at times when the rest of the person is interacting with people. Young alters need to play and might be given no opportunity to do so except when everyone else is asleep. Another reason for a different sleep schedule might be that an alter feels it is safest for at least one alter to be on guard at all times against any possible attack. The result is working in shifts with alters, rather than seeking to work in unison.
- Going into hiding whenever things get difficult
Leaving it to other alters when things get tough will obviously hinder integration.
- Not wanting to share another alters' beliefs or hopes
For example, cultivating hopes and dreams might be important for one alter but might appall another who is terrified of the pain of dashed hopes.
- Falsely blaming an alter for past traumas
One alter, for example, might believe that another acted inappropriately and so blame the alter for what happened. Such ill-feeling will block integration.
- Resentment over genuine offenses
An alter might in the past have “hit” or insulted another alter or have wished an alter were dead. Unless alters forgive each other, they will not merge.
- Intolerance of immaturity
This can take many forms. For example, when allowed to manifest herself, an alter formed as a baby might need diapers or want to be bottle fed. Older alters could strongly resent this. Or older alters might want to watch movies that would terrify children, or do other things inappropriate for children and hence upset their own young alters. This will hinder healing and so block the path to integration.
- Moral objections
An alter might swear, use porn, smoke or do something else that another alter strongly objects to on moral grounds. Until resolved, this will divide alters.
- Differing tastes
There might be serious disputes over choice of food, clothing, music, use of money, and so on.
- A significant person in the alter’s life might not want integration
Alters might resist integration because they fear that a counsellor or loved one might like them less after integration. Or the loved one might be consciously sabotaging integration because he or she prefers to relate to someone with alters. The loved one might, for example, be so keen to have children that he or she encourages alters who think they are children to continue to be childish.
Alice, whose alters are nearing full integration, writes:
One of my alters set some ground rules that we all follow:
1. Do not take out your hurt on other alters. They are hurting too.
2. Do not use force on another alter. Each of us knows what it is to be manipulated and treated roughly, so we do not perpetuate this by treating others badly.
3. Do not make fun of another alter. We all know how hard it is to communicate and how confusing it is when alters first surface. We have all been trapped by isolation and this expresses itself in many forms. Let each alter come to terms with what she is experiencing and to communicate it as best as she can.
4. Above all, never betray an alter. Anything confided to you, including the mere existence of an alter, is a sacred trust that must not be revealed to anyone without the alters' full permission.
These rules have helped alters become friends. It starts from the moment any of us become aware of an alter who is new to us. Remembering how lonely and confused we once were, we immediately offer her our friendship and remain faithful and kind to her, no matter how unpleasant she might initially seem. If she hurts us in any way, we refuse to take it personally but compassionately realize it is because she is delirious with pain. We must love as Christ loves, in full faith that such courageous love will slowly melt the heart of a bitter, angry alter; transforming her into a beautiful and precious friend. And on the way to this transformation we teach her our ground rules.
Maintaining those ground rules has made us dangerous to hell. United, we fight together as an army against everything that would seek to bring us down. We can read each other’s minds and function as one, switching around to let some rest or to let each other’s strengths be used to achieve what is needed. The most critical thing, however, is to be submitted to God in all of this.
Next Part Dead Alters