Becoming Emotionally Whole
Overcome negative emotions and become happier and healthier.
The following material is a chapter from one of Dr. Stanley's study guide series.
Do you like the person you see in the mirror in the morning? Liking yourself relates to self-image, which is not limited to your physical appearance. Self-image includes the total you - personality, talents and abilities, accomplishments, desires and goals, and spiritual relationship with the Lord. Your emotional health is rooted strongly in your self-image, as are your relationships with family members and friends.Nearly all of your behaviour is based on who you think you are and how you feel about yourself. The apostle Paul wrote an interesting statement to the Christians in Corinth:
For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me (1 Corinthians 15:9-10).
On the surface, Paul appeared to be putting himself down. He appeared to be saying, "I am nothing. I am worthless." A closer reading of this statement, however, taken in context, reveals the exact opposite.Paul had a very healthy self-image! This passage is part of an argument Paul was making to the Corinthians, who were arguing about whether they should heed Paul's words to them or listen to other prophets who came into their midst.
At the beginning of chapter 15, Paul reminded them that the gospel he had preached to them resulted in their salvation: Jesus Christ died for our sins, was buried, and rose the third day as was witnessed by Peter, the apostles, more than five hundred followers of Jesus, and Paul himself.
In saying that he was "least" of all the apostles, Paul was stating that he was the last among those he named to have witnessed the resurrected Christ, and that of all those named, he spent the least amount of time with Jesus. But, Paul said, "by the grace of God I am what I am" - which was an apostle, a born-again believer in Christ Jesus, an ardent follower of Jesus. Paul had spent a limited amount of time with the Corinthians, but that wasn't what counted. What he did with the time mattered in God's eyes. Paul also said that God's grace toward him was not in vain - that he received Christ into his life, he labored hard to witness of Christ to others, and God's grace has continued to work through his life as others accepted the Lord.
This powerful and positive statement from Paul reveals his strength of character and his strong self-image. Paul was not putting himself down. He was simply stating facts about his life, the foremost one of which - in his opinion - was that everything he was and did was in keeping with God's saving grace.
Ultimately, your self-image is linked to who you are in Christ Jesus. If you have no relationship with Christ, it will be very difficult for you to have a strong, healthy self-image. If you have a relationship with Christ, however, you have accepted - to at least some degree - the fact that God so loved you that He sent Jesus to die for your sins so that you could have eternal life. (See John 3:16.)
Do you know with certainty today that God loves you infinitely, unconditionally, and eternally?
God stands ready to forgive you of all your sins and trespasses against Him and others?
Jesus Christ valued your life so much that He gave His life so that you might live forever with Him and the Father in heaven?
You are being transformed more and more into the likeness of Jesus Christ as the Holy Spirit works in and through your life?
If you can say yes to these questions, you have a firm basis for a healthy self-image. Unfortunately, even people who believe that Jesus died for their sins, that God loves them, that they stand forgiven before God, and that they are being transformed into the perfection and wholeness of Jesus Christ sometimes have difficulty loving themselves. Friend, if God loves you and has forgiven you, you should love yourself. If God says you are that valuable, you are! If the Holy Spirit of almighty God is continually at work bringing you to a place of refinement and perfection, surely you are a beloved, highly cherished child of God!
However, nobody can force you to see the truth of God's love and redemption in your life or make you accept the fact that you are infinitely valuable to God. You must paint on your mental and emotional canvas the image that reflects what you believe to be true about yourself. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:10-11).
We also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:9-14). As Christians, our worth and self-image must flow from Christ Jesus. We are worthy because He declares us to be worthy.
The Importance of a Parent's Words
Children draw much of their self-image from their parents. To a great extent, the ability of the parent to impart good self-worth and a positive self-image is based on the parent's self-image and the parent's understanding of God's work in the child's life. If you have a poor self-image today, you must recognise that you have been taught that self-image. Your parents and others who had influence over you in your early childhood likely instilled it in you. It is counterproductive, however, to blame your parents, teachers, and others in your childhood for what you are and do today. In most cases, they didn't intend to impart to you a negative self-image. As an adult, you can make new choices. You can choose to believe the truth about what God says in His Word, and especially what God says about you as His beloved child. Forgive your parents for their failure to instil in you a good self-image, and move forward in your life. Accept what your heavenly Father has to say to you and about you.
Even if every parent was a master at instilling a positive self-image in the children, each child eventually faces the fact of the personal sin nature, which can be a major blow to self-image. Adam and Eve were created perfect - complete and whole - as human beings. Then they sinned. As a result of their sin, they tried to hide from God and from each other. In hiding from God and each other, they began to hide from themselves - they tried to justify their behaviour to God. (Self-justification always involves some degree of attempting to hide from the truth.) Adam and Eve found it extremely difficult to accept that they were no longer perfect. Even people with healthy self-esteem must face this same reality. No one is perfect. No one is whole or complete. All of us are in need of a Saviour and of the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives to transform us into the likeness of Christ Jesus.
Just as we must not blame our parents for our lack of a positive self-image as adults, so we must not attempt to blame anyone else for the sinful nature we inherited as our birthright. We must accept full responsibility for our self-image.
In what ways do you feel challenged today about your self-image?
Hallmarks of a Positive self-image is able to accept both the good and the bad in himself
The person with a good self-image is open to a relationship with God and with others.
Expresses love freely and willingly, but always within the constraints of God's will.
Is willing to expose his innermost feelings and ideas.
Is confident of God's ability at work in and through his life (acknowledging that God is the source of all his ability and the One who reinforces and undergirds every effort).
Accommodates failures, learns from them, and moves forward.
The person with a positive self-image sees that God - and future growth and development made possible by God - can more than make up for anything missing. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things (Phil 4:8). Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you (2 Corinthians 13:11). Things That Destroy a Good Self -Image
Your self-image gives you a sense of worth, a sense that you are valuable to the kingdom of God. When you have a good self-image, you are more willing to make yourself available to do God's work. Therefore, it is vital not only for your sake, but also for the sake of the gospel, that you acquire and maintain a good self-image rooted in Christ Jesus. At least five things can result when your self-image takes a "hit." Be aware of them. Avoid them. They are traps to keep you from being fully effective in serving the Lord.
1. The trap of guilt. Even after you have received God's forgiveness of your sin nature and have accepted Jesus Christ as your Saviour and Lord, you have the potential to commit sin. Indeed, you do sin. And with sin comes guilt. Unless you go to the Lord each time you are aware that you have sinned and ask for His forgiveness and help in not sinning further, you are likely to develop a growing mountain of guilt."
The more guilt you feel, the more you begin to question, How can God bless me? How can God use me now? Self-image begins to disintegrate, and if you continue to amass guilt and not seek forgiveness, you can become so overwhelmed by guilt that you become immobilised and ineffective in your Christian witness. Continually ask God's forgiveness for your sins. Don't accumulate guilt. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness
(1 John 1:9). If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation (Romans 10:9-10). The trap of overachievement. If you attempt to do it all - either because you are driven to achieve or because you don't trust others to help in a task - you run a risk of exhaustion. When you collapse in exhaustion and face the fact that you haven't been able to do everything you thought you could or would do, you are likely to become discouraged. Self-image takes a blow when you experience discouragement.
The best way to stay out of the trap of overachievement is to ask the Lord every day what He desires for you to do during the day. Then if you can't do all that, ask the Lord to help you readjust your priorities or manage your time better, or ask Him to enlarge your ability. Live one day at a time. Learn to break down large tasks into smaller tasks, to set achievable goals for yourself at each stage of a large project, and to set aside time in your schedule for prayer, Bible reading, physical exercise, and relaxation. Get sufficient sleep. And above all, let the peace of God rule your life. The Lord will not ask you to do more than you can do and still keep your life in balance. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:8-10). The righteous and the wise and their works are in the hand of God (Ecclesiastes 9:1).
3. The trap of criticism. People who are willing to listen to every bit of criticism levelled against them, and who generally take it to heart, have a great need for others to approve of them. In the final analysis, the only approval you need is that of the Lord Jesus. His approval is based on your desire to follow Him and to live according to His commandments. It is not based on your achievements, accomplishments, possessions, status, or level of income. If you diligently seek to love and serve the Lord, you have God's approval! Don't listen to people who continually try to knock you down. Don't listen to people who criticise you no matter what you do. Such criticism is like a hammer against your self-image. Although it may be wise for you to take good counsel in improving certain skills or abilities, it is unwise for you to listen to those who continually seek to make you a better person according to their standards. The only standards you need to be concerned about are ones in God's Word. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another (Romans 14:19). We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is fitting, because your faith grows exceedingly, and the love of every one of you all abounds toward each other (2 Thessalonians 1:3).
4. The trap of comparison. This trap is very close in nature to the trap of criticism. Some people continually gauge their performance by comparing themselves to others. They are much more concerned with being, having, owning, or achieving the best than in giving their best effort. Not everybody can be number one all the time. If you continually try to best all those around you, you are likely to suffer a major blow to your self-image each time you come in second best. The greater the failure, the greater the blow to the self-image.
Jesus Christ is established as our role model in the Scriptures. We are to grow up spiritually to become like Him. That does not mean, however, that we will ever be Christ. He is the only perfect Man who ever lived, 100 percent divine while being 100 percent human. We are not going to experience His perfection. Even so, the Holy Spirit is at work in us to transform us more and more into His likeness. If you are a Christian yielded to the Holy Spirit's work within you, you are not the same person today that you were last year. And you won't be the same person this time next year that you are today. You are growing toward wholeness.
Every time you are tempted to compare your accomplishments with those of someone else, concentrate on doing your best. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me You are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit (Ephesians 2:19-22). Aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you (1 Thessalonians 4:11).
5. The trap of scriptural error. Some people fall into the trap of error because they read the Scriptures incorrectly or they have been taught the Scriptures incorrectly. Let me give you two examples. Luke 14:11 says, "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Some people have been taught that this means we should never receive a compliment or take credit for what we have done. To the contrary! Jesus made the statement in a very specific setting. He told a parable to some people who were invited to a party and were vying for the best seats at the dinner table. He taught that the better approach was to take a lesser position of honour. That way, if the host invited you to a more honourable position, you would be given increased respect among those present. But if you took the best seat and then the host asked you to take a lesser one, you would be subject to scorn and embarrassment. In that context, the one who exalts himself is in a position to be humbled; the one who humbles himself is in a position to be exalted.
This passage has nothing to do with self-image or self-esteem. Throughout the Bible, we are admonished to treat other people with kindness, respect, and honour. We are to serve others, give to others, and let others have their say and make their choices. But at no time are we told to deny the value that the Lord places upon us as His beloved children. There is a difference between being a kind-hearted person and a person who has no regard for her talents, abilities, or stature in Christ. Philippians 2:3 is often taught in error. It says, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." Some people have been taught that this means you should always give way to other people, saints and sinners alike. Paul was speaking directly to the body of Christ. He was calling on the church at Philippi to be "like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind" in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:2). He wanted God's people to get along in peace and harmony in the pursuit of God's will for them all. To that end, he told them not to pursue their self-interests or to think of themselves individually as better than the whole church. Rather, they should consider what was of benefit to the entire body of Christ. Paul continued by teaching, "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4).
There is great balance in what Paul teaches. On the one hand, he calls upon the church to be bold in dealing with sin, evil, and the assaults of the devil. On the other hand, he calls upon the church members to be loving and generous with one another. We are to be alive in Christ, even as we are "dead" to all carnal influences that seek to destroy us. Paul carried this message to every church where he ministered. You can be bold in denouncing evil and loving your brothers and sisters in Christ without any form of self-deprecation or self-hate. What the Word Says What the Word Says to Me Fear the LORD, serve Him in sincerity and in truth (Joshua 24:14). Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17) What new insights do you have about the foundation of your self-esteem and how it affects your emotional health and well-being?
In what ways are you being challenged by the Lord in the area of your emotions?
Congratulations! You have finished a study on becoming emotionally whole.