Alcohol in Moderation

Next Part Much Depends on the Outlook

When a reception follows the wedding, it is most important that the bride and especially the groom be temperate in drinking wine or alcoholic beverages. One reason is that the groom would most likely be driving after the reception, at least a little.

Although a little alcohol can certainly add to the ambiance and relaxation of the evening, there is another reason for minimizing, or even avoiding, alcohol on this occasion. The couple should approach their wedding night with alertness. While they are entering a most wonderful evening and honeymoon to follow, the night should be approached deliberately. Too much is at stake and too many memories to be made, to approach it carelessly.

Bride’s Special Day

Husbands should recognize that little girls grow into teenagers, who then grow into young women, having spent virtually all of these years dreaming about and preparing for this most wonderful day of their lives so far. Nothing a woman will have experienced will have been like it. She may have experienced the proper teaching through her formative years that she is preparing herself for this special day of “wedding bells.” It has finally arrived.

Just as the wedding is intended to highlight the bride on this glorious day in her life, so should The Wedding Night be an extension of that time. The groom should make every effort to see that this occasion elevates his bride in every way. Rather than quickly moving to seeking his own gratification, the new husband should lovingly place the needs and concern of his bride first on this, her most special night, following her most special day. This occasion should be handled with gentleness and tenderness and concern for her feelings. The nature of women, including all the additional preparation of her dress and the fixing of her hair, etc., makes this moment even more special to her than the groom.

First impressions are crucially important. The bride’s first impression of sexual relations should reflect the tenderness and admiration she feels for the man she loves. Aggressive blunders of grooms on the very wedding night, bordering upon rape, have in themselves resulted in failed marriages, which pointed back to simple self-gratification and selfish disregard for the feelings of the bride.

Another disappointment that could potentially interrupt an otherwise glorious occasion could be avoided by careful planning. The bride-to-be should take measures to plan the wedding after the end of her menstrual cycle, allowing for a safe margin of error, if possible. However, be aware that, due to the nervousness of the occasion, the cycle is subject to radical interruptions. (I have known of more than one bride who reported starting her period just before reaching the motel, and others during the ceremony—and even one who started while she was walking down the aisle.)

Careful adjustment of the timing of the wedding can usually prevent such an unexpected letdown.

One other point may be introduced here. Some wonder if there can actually be a benefit, or if it is “all right,” for a couple to wait until the second night of the honeymoon to consummate the marriage. For some couples, the 24- or 48-hour period preceding the wedding ceremony can be extremely stressful. This can include the size of the wedding, the time of day or evening that it occurs, sleeplessness the previous evening, and then there is the distance to the first night’s lodging. There is also the possibility of illness. If some alcohol has also been consumed, the couple can arrive at the special moment completely exhausted, hence the question.

While delaying is not ideal, it is certainly not wrong, and each couple must decide what is best for them. They may wish to keep these things in mind when planning this wonderful occasion.

Husbands—Not Right Away

The bridegroom should take precautions not to embarrass the bride by immediately undressing in her presence. Although God made the female body attractive and sexually appealing to the male, the male body is not as attractive in the same way in the eyes of the bride. Therefore, the groom should be careful not to display his naked body before his new bride, especially on this special night.

Neither should he demand that she immediately display hers. In due time—and, as mentioned, this will probably happen quickly—they will acclimate to each other. But special care and consideration should be shown beginning with this night—first impressions are important!

The groom should allow the bride to undress and change into her lingerie or nightwear in privacy, if she so prefers—and many certainly will. Most brides prefer the bedroom to be either dark or dimly lit for a more romantic atmosphere, at least early in the marriage and on this first night. Since it is more important to women that they look physically attractive to the man than the other way around, the bride may be overly worried about her husband’s first look at her naked body.

A note to wives is important here: You must overcome any shyness or embarrassment that you feel about your body. God designed it to be very attractive—both beautiful and enticing—to a man. This includes your husband. His mind was designed so that seeing you unclothed arouses him. Whatever you are thinking, he almost certainly is not. What you may see in your own body must be tempered with the knowledge that he is seeing something entirely different.

But husbands, remember again, this is the bride’s night, and accommodations should be made to fulfil her every (reasonable) desire.

The bride and groom should take plenty of time in getting used to one another. By showing consideration and avoiding embarrassing situations, by starting out correctly, the marriage can more easily remain on a solid foundation, particularly during what can be delicate beginnings for both partners. Mutual concern and consideration will lay the groundwork for mutual respect and a lasting relationship.

Brides—Be Understanding, Too

The bride should also take care to understand that her husband is trying to make the best possible impression on her, while bringing no experience whatsoever to the task of this special evening. He will possibly be as nervous as she. She should try to be sincerely encouraging to him, reminding him of her feelings toward him, and that she is looking forward to him taking the lead.

In an earlier chapter, the need for personal grooming, proper hygiene and related matters was stressed. Common faults were mentioned concerning the failure of either party in this regard. It is absolutely paramount—and even more so at the beginning!—that both mates strive to show proper manners, grooming and courtesies in the presence of each other, particularly on this first night. Each must be respectful and conscientious about personal appearance and conduct in the presence of the other mate.

These courtesies, plus wisdom in planning ahead to ensure that things go smoothly, should help to make the couple’s night a very special place in the memory of both mates.

Proper planning would insure that the couple remembers to take contraceptives (and a sufficient supply!) and possibly lubricants with them. (Be sure to read the inset in this chapter that addresses contraception.)

To have a well-planned, joyful honeymoon is truly the right send-off—the right starting point—for a happy marriage!