A Word to Parents. 2
Back to Arthur Pink
Second, good instruction is to be accompanied by good EXAMPLE. That teaching which issues only from the lips, is not at all likely to sink any deeper than the ears. Children are particularly quick to detect inconsistencies, and to despise hypocrisy. It is at this point that parents need to be most on their faces before God, daily seeking from Him that grace which they so sorely need, and which He alone can supply. What care you need to take, lest you say or do anything before your children, which would tend to corrupt their minds or be of evil consequence for them to follow! How you need to be constantly on your guard against anything which might render you odious and contemptible, in the eyes of those who should respect and revere you! The parent is not only to instruct his children in the ways of holiness—but is himself to walk before them in those ways, and show by his practice and demeanor, what a pleasant and profitable thing it is to be regulated by the Divine Law.
In a Christian home the supreme aim should be household piety—the honoring of God at all times. Everything else must be subordinated to this high purpose. In the matter of family life, neither husband nor wife can throw on the other, all the responsibility for the religious character of the home. The mother is most certainly required to supplement the efforts of the father, for the children enjoy far more of her company than they do of his. If there is a tendency in fathers to be too strict and severe, mothers are prone to be too lax and lenient; and they need to be much on their guard against anything which would weaken their husband's authority. When he has forbidden a thing, she must not give her consent to it. It is striking to note that the exhortation of Ephesians 6:4 is preceded by instruction to "be filled with the Spirit" (5:18), while the parallel exhortation in Colossians 3:21 is preceded by the exhortation to "let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly" (v. 16), showing that parents cannot possibly discharge their duties unless they are filled with the Spirit and the Word.
Third, instruction and example are to be enforced by CORRECTION and DISCIPLINE. This means, first of all, the exercise of authority—the proper reign of Law. Of "the father of the faithful" God said, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He has spoken of him" (Gen. 18:19). Ponder this carefully, Christian fathers. Abraham did more than offer good advice; he enforced law and order in his household. The rules he administered had for their design the keeping of "the way of the Lord"—that which was right in His sight. And this duty was performed by the patriarch in order that the blessing of God might rest on his family. No family can be properly brought up without household laws, which include reward and punishment, and these are especially important in early childhood, when as yet moral character is unformed, and moral motives are not understood or appreciated.
Rules should be simple, clear, reasonable, and inflexible like the Ten Commandments—a few great moral rules, instead of a multitude of petty restrictions. One way of needlessly provoking children to wrath, is to hamper them with a thousand trifling restrictions and minute regulations that are capricious, and are due to a fastidious temper in the parent. It is of vital importance for the child's future good, that he or she should be brought into subjection at an early age. An undisciplined child means a lawless adult. Our prisons are crowded with those who were allowed to have their own way during their youth. The least offense of a child against the rulers of the home ought not to pass without due correction, for if he finds leniency in one direction or toward one offense—he will expect the same toward others. And then disobedience will become more frequent until the parent has no control, but that of brute force.
The teaching of Scripture is crystal clear on this point. "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15; and cf. 23:13, 14). Therefore God has said, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Proverbs 13:24). And again, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death" (Proverbs 19:18). Let not afoolish fondness hinder you. Certainly God loves His children with a much deeper parental affection that you can love yours, yet He tells us, "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten" (Rev. 3:19; and cf. Heb. 12:6). "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15). Such severity must be used in his early years, before age and obstinacy have hardened the child against the fear and smart of correction. Spare the rod, and you spoil the child! If you don't use the rod on him—-you lay up one for your own back!
It should hardly need pointing out, that the above Scriptures are by no means teaching that a reign of terror is to mark the home life. Children can be governed and chastened in such a way that they don't lose their respect and affection for their parents. Beware of souring their temper byunreasonable demands, or provoking their wrath by striking them to vent your own rage. The parent is to punish a disobedient child not because he isangry—but because it is right—because God requires it, and the welfare of the child demands it. Never make a threat which you have no intention of executing, nor a promise you do not mean to perform. Remember that for your children to be well informed is good—but for them to be well controlledis better.
Pay close attention to the unconscious influences of a child's surroundings. Study how to make your home attractive, not by introducing carnal and worldly things—but by noble ideals, by the inculcating of a spirit of unselfishness, by kind and happy fellowship. Separate the little ones from evil associates. Watch carefully the periodicals and books which come into your home, the occasional guests who sit at your table, and thecompanionships that your children form. Parents often carelessly let others have free access to their children who undermine the parental authority, overturn the parental ideals, and sow seeds of frivolity and iniquity before they are aware. Never let your child spend a night among strangers. So train your children that your girls will be useful and helpful members of their generation, and your boys industrious and self-supporting.
Fourth, the last and most important duty, respecting both the temporal and spiritual good of your children, is fervent SUPPLICATION to God for them; for without this all the rest will be ineffectual. Means are unavailing, unless the Lord blesses them. The Throne of Grace is to be earnestly implored that your efforts to bring up your children for God may be crowned with success. True, there must be a humble submission to His sovereign will, a bowing before the truth of Election. On the other hand, it is the privilege of faith to lay hold of the Divine promises and to remember that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Of holy Job it is recorded concerning his sons and daughters that he "rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all" (Job 1:5). A prayerful atmosphere should pervade the home—and be breathed by all who share it.
Back to Arthur Pink