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The Morality of Masturbation

The Limits of Logic

It is hard to resist the powerfullypersuasive logic that says God gave us sex for marital union and that, likeprostitution or bestiality, solitary sex must therefore be a perversion ofGod’s gift. But is this God’s logic? I dare not steer my life while intoxicated by my supposedcleverness.

I have a deep distrust of human logic –be it the product of my intellect, or anyone else’s. Human attempts to fittogether pieces of biblical revelation caused the greatest theologians anddevout Jewish leaders to arrange the murder of their Messiah. Logic inspiredSaul to conclude he was serving God by torturing Christians in the hope theywould blaspheme the Son of God. We earlier mentioned that human logic mightconclude that lust is morally harmless.

The biggest limitation of humanreasoning is that we have at our disposal only a tiny fraction of the facts.Our understanding of human sexuality and of God’s purposes renders humanattempts to see things God’s way like trying to see the picture in a millionpiece jigsaw when we have only a dozen pieces. We saw in the previous webpagehow, when railing against masturbation, a respected Bible commentator’s attemptat logic fell to the ground because it was founded on human medical knowledge,which, like most things human, time revealed to be inaccurate. Many of my ownthoughts will fall if solitary sex does not program our sexual response to theextent that I believe it does, or if it turns out that God puts sexualself-stimulation in a totally different category to anything else to do withsex.

To illustrate the limitations of humanreasoning, let’s see the implications of applying it to an indisputableperversion: lesbianism. The Old Testament gets no closer to mentioning sexualrelations between women than this:

Leviticus 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

Everyone to whom the Old Covenantapplied knew that when the Bible said anything about men, the statement often –but not always – applied with equal force to women. Who would be so stupid asto think that the Tenth Commandment – “you shall not covet your neighbor’swife” – means a woman is free to covet her neighbor’s husband? In many OldTestament contexts, “man” simply means human. This is obvious from the verybeginning of the Bible:

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;male and female he created them.

“Man” here applies with equal force tomale and female.

Nevertheless, the context sometimesindicates that the word is applied solely to males. So logic says, look at thecontext. And logic also says female sexuality and psychology are not entirelyidentical to that of males, and lesbianism involves different sexual acts tomale homosexuality, so different rules might possibly apply. So let’s examinethe context:

Leviticus 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. (23) Do not have sexualrelations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not presentherself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.

Oh dear! In the very next verse, whenreferring to bestiality, it is deemed necessary to specifically mention women. Logicwould suggest that the omission of reference to women when forbidding samegender sex must have been very deliberate. The obvious conclusion is that itwas omitted because lesbianism is deemed by God to be morally neutral. Eventhough I could argue against this on the basis of the apparently random way OldTestament laws sometimes specifically mention women and sometimes not, it ishard to resist the force of the logic that says lesbianism must be allowed byGod. In other words, human reasoning – even when applied to the very Word ofGod – could cause someone to wander so far off track that they end up condoningperversion.

Christianity is not the product ofhuman reasoning. It is the revelation of the most powerful Intellect in theuniverse – the God who made our brain cells. Christianity is not a vain attemptto use tiny human brains to guess the mind of Almighty God. True Christianityis about connecting to the God of the universe, the Designer of our bodies, theCreator of sex, and letting him reveal his ways, which are infinitely superiorto our own, and letting him rule in our lives in the perfection of his love andwisdom.

I do not want to be so arrogant as toshatter the divine silence in Scripture by sounding off as if my presumptionswere the Word of the Holy One to the entire body of Christ. Instead, I urge allChristians who imagine they have divine approval to indulge in any form ofauto-eroticism to get down on their knees and seek the face of God about this.

At times, Scripture gives us examplesto help us grasp a divine principle and leaves it to us to connect the dots.For an obvious example, consider Exodus 23:4:

If you come across your enemy’s ox ordonkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him.

Scripture says nothing about an enemy’shorse or sheep or finding his stolen computer. What if his house is on fire?What if he is sick and his crop needs harvesting? God obviously expects us touse our brains and extrapolate general principles from Scripture’s specificexamples. Anyone having the attitude of avoiding only those things Scripturespecifically names as forbidden, does not have a heart for God. The Bible tellsus to meditate upon Scripture and to discuss it with each other(Scriptures) Clearly,God expects us to think things through as we prayerfully pursue the mind ofGod.

There could be a flaw in the logic thatconcludes that Do-It-Yourself sex is a perversion. If so, I’ve failed to findit. If, after examining the behaviors Scripture specifically names as sexualsins, I’ve somewhere slipped in my attempt to join the dots, I’m blind to myerror.

I can by no means trust my finiteintellect. Nevertheless, everything God does is perfectly rational andconsistent. I would therefore need to be particularly cautious about any“guidance” that seems contrary to rational thought. This is especially so whenon one side looms the danger of sexual perversion and on the other is merelythe possibility of missing a little pleasure (and even the possibility ofpleasure is doubtful, since solo-sex seems to aggravate one’s frustration andthe carrot of satisfaction it dangles before our eyes is largely an illusion).Add to this the fact that our natural tendency is to try to convince ourselvesthat self-indulgence is acceptable. Furthermore, if solo-sex is sin, the EvilOne has a vested interest in deceiving us and he is not beyond givingsupernatural “proof” to try to convince us that sin has divine approval. Onewould therefore need exceptionally clear guidance to go against rationalthought and be certain that a decision in favor of Do-It-Yourself sex is notbeing influenced by our own cravings or by the cunning of the Enemy of oursouls.

Hearing from God on this matter can bevery challenging. Permit me to share a personal experience to illustrate thedifficulty. It shows me in a less than favorable light, but your well-being ismore important than my reputation. The story takes several twists, so pleasedon’t at some point presume you know where it is heading.

A Peculiar Experience

I met a wonderful, highly committed,unmarried woman engaged in Christian ministry. The moment our friendship began,my apparently as-good-as-dead sex drive suddenly sprang to life. To my immensesurprise, that beast of a libido that had fooled me into thinking it was deadhad only been sleeping. Now, alarmingly, it seemed madder than ever at havingbeen awoken and it was bearing its teeth threateningly. Every night my sexdrive was on the prowl, making it difficult for me to get to sleep and when Ifinally did, I would wake again long before morning, so aroused as to challengemy self-control to the limits. I steadfastly refused to relieve myself. Thetorment was agonizing and the lack of sleep frustrating, but didn’t Jesusendure sheer agony to win our purity? Didn’t he declare that we must take upour own cross and follow him? Didn’t he say the easy way leads to destruction?Is there a way to become a champion without regularly pounding the painbarrier? Has anyone been hailed a hero by continually giving in? It is theperson determined to endure the pain of resisting temptation who has finishedwith sin (compare 1 Peter 4:1). That is the one who is destined for glory.

One night I awoke not only highly arousedbut with the strong conviction that God wanted me to masturbate right then. Iwould have dismissed the feeling immediately had the issue been adultery oranything similarly contrary to an emphatic word of Scripture. The Perfect Onenever contradicts himself by going against what he has put in black and whitein his unchanging Word. The Almighty has no qualms, however, in finding holesin my logic and contradicting my imperfect understanding of his written Word.Nevertheless, I recoiled at the thought of obeying this feeling. It would bephysically messy and I had no desire to step off a cliff that could send mefalling into a habit. But God owns me. The body I live in is his body. He hasthe right to dictate to me what to do and I am committed to obeying him. What if this isn’t God? I wondered. And yetthe feeling that it really was from God was so strong that I knew I wasgrasping at straws, trying to worm out of what seemed the very real convictionof God. I’m so tired and aroused. How can Ithink sensibly? Why not wait until morning when I can check in the clear lightof day my certainty that this really is God? I felt guilty about taking that option; horrified that by delaying Icould be resisting the Spirit of God. Nevertheless, I decided not to masturbateand to check it out with God later, when I would be more able to think clearly.I awoke the next morning, deeply disturbed by the feeling that by resistingthat leading I might have let down the One who means everything to me.

I immediately phoned my friend, andexplained my quandary. Under normal circumstances I trusted her ability to hearfrom God more than my own ability and in this case it would be much easier forher to be clear-headed because she wasn’t subjected to the raging storm within me.So I decided to submit to whatever she believed to be the will of God after shehad spent the day praying about it.

I staggered to work, still feelingshaken and somewhat defeated over the thought that maybe by not masturbating Ihad resisted God’s command. I prayed often throughout the day that the decisionmy friend arrived at would be from God. As the day progressed, my revulsionagainst sexual self-gratification mellowed until I began to feel warmly aboutthe idea. I was becoming increasingly certain that when my friend phoned thatevening, she would say that God wanted me to masturbate and that I would thenenjoy beautiful sexual feelings for which I would praise God.

It turned out that she had reached theopposite conclusion. Additionally, despite it being completely contrary to thetone of what I had shared with her that morning, she also had a strong feelingthat I had that morning been masturbating while phoning her. Presumably shethought God had revealed it to her. This misconception was most disturbing.Since she was so horribly off the mark with that, how could I trust herspiritual discernment to get the other part right, especially as her perceptionof God’s will for me was the exact opposite of my own? To further add to mybewilderment, she got it so wrong that she terminated our friendship under theludicrous illusion that I would somehow sexually corrupt her.

Nevertheless, I had been praying thatGod guide her and so I decided to accept her sense of God’s leading. Thisentire situation was clouded by incredible confusion but I finally felt peaceabout continuing to resist my burning desire to masturbate.

The startling thing is that Iimmediately broke through to a new level of sexual contentment. Ever since,I’ve had almost no temptation to masturbate and have been more content sexuallythan I’ve ever known since before my teens. I look back astounded at how closeI came to missing this significant breakthrough. Had I landed the other way intrying to discern the Lord’s will, the outcome would have been very different.Never have I experienced anything that initially seemed so genuinely to be ofGod that subsequently proved to be a devilish trick.

Many will say I should have immediatelyrecognized as being from the enemy what I thought might have been from Godbecause “masturbation is sin.” Such an uncompromising view would certainly haveprotected me. It’s an enticing argument for me to produce a dogmatic“masturbation is sin” webpage. Although there are Bible clues pointing in thatdirection, however, I shrink from implying any human attempt to connect thedots on this subject has the seal of divine infallibility. We know from earlierwhat an appalling mess Clarke made of it, even though he surely impressed someof his contemporaries and was obviously godly, scholarly and devoted to theBible. It would take a good measure of delusion to suppose that any of us areincapable of similar slips. Scripture does not spell out the sinfulness ofself-stimulation with the clarity that it does most other sexual sins (and evenwith those sins, individuals and churches keen to condone sexual sin can patchtogether a case capable of fooling someone more keen to sin than to findtruth). This leaves us dependent upon our ability to discern the Spirit of God;an ability that I have in an embarrassingly small measure.

To illustrate our dependence upondivine revelation, let’s return to what we learnt earlier about lesbianism.Godly people in Old Testament times would have believed that lesbianism is sin,but they could not have reached this conclusion solely from the letter of thelaw. Some would have truly heard from God on the matter. Others would havereached the right conclusion by accident. They might, for instance, havebelieved a superstition that lesbianism makes one mentally unstable andconcluded that anything having that result must be sinful. Left to themselves,these people might, under different circumstances – such as living in a societyin which lesbianism is rife – have concluded that lesbianism has God’sapproval. For any of his children in moral danger, however, our Lord would haveintervened by speaking to their consciences or by some other means.Nevertheless, their own desires and the persuasive assertions of deceivedpeople around them could easily have drowned out God’s voice in the hearts ofsome individuals.



Besides the satanic assault I’ve just mentioned, I have also received e-mailsthat were initially flattering and persuasive from someone claiming to be aSpirit-filled Christian. Eventually he confided that he had received revelationfrom “God” that I am sexually repressed and that I should engage in sexualactivities that are outside of God’s plans for me. There was great evil lurkingbeneath this seemingly Christian and loving guise.

We certainly have to contend withpowerfully deceptive forces. Scripture reveals Satan to be the deceiver whomasquerades as an angel of light. More terrifying still is that we can want sinso much that we want to be deceived.

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads todeath.

1 Corinthians 4:4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is theLord who judges me



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Slipping Through the Moral Maze

Although singles have no legitimateperson or thing on which to focus the sexual feelings that self-stimulationarouses, marrieds clearly have such a person.

Suppose a woman is abandoned by herhusband. She wants her marriage to continue but the separation could turn outto be permanent, and if the woman were to make advances to this man he wouldshun any sexual involvement with her. Were she to force herself upon himsexually, it would be so much against what he wants that it would be akin torape. For this woman to masturbate, imagining herself relating sexually withher estranged husband who wants never again to have anything to do with hersexually, it might be argued that her thoughts would have similarities tomental rape.

Suppose, however, a married couple aretemporarily separated. Perhaps one is nursing a sick relative interstate for afew weeks. If, with each other’s full knowledge and approval, they engaged insolitary sex, lovingly limiting themselves to ways that their partner couldequal, and fantasizing solely about their partner, most of our grave concernsabout masturbation would be avoided. It would not be mental adultery, nor sexon the sly, nor would it be degrading sex to a self-focused, mechanical,loveless act. In their minds their sexual feelings would be focused on the oneperson that they can legitimately have such feelings for. And since they knoweach other’s capabilities and lovingly chose their masturbatory techniquesaccordingly, they are not so likely to cultivate cravings for stimulation thepartner is unable to match. If done shortly before the couple are reunited, wemight question whether masturbation would diminish the marital passion theyfeel when reunited. If the timeframe were suitably long, however, it might beargued that mentally focusing on their absent partner when pleasuringthemselves helps maintain their longing for, and love for, each other and thatthis maintenance of the marriage bond would lower their temptation to beunfaithful.

Since I have never married, accusationsof hypocrisy don’t touch me when I wonder whether even in solo-sex marriedshave privileges that are denied singles. Nevertheless, there is a grave dangerin trying to reduce morality to any analysis like the above. Suppose we weretrying to determine why God declares stealing to be wrong. If we miss thecritical fact that it is simply wrong to take anything that does not belong toyou, we could easily conclude that all moral objections to theft are covered ifone steals from someone so rich that he literally would never know it ismissing, and if the taker then gives it to someone who is in desperate need.Similarly, God knows – and I don’t – whether I have missed something criticalthat renders all solitary sex sinful. Certainly, we know that there is more tomorality than one’s thought life. If, for example, a man wants to shoot deadhis wife, he cannot make himself innocent by deciding to think loving thoughtstowards her as he pulls the trigger.

For a married couple to manuallystimulate each other to a deliberate climax outside of intercourse bypasseseven more possible objections. It is not solitary, and it is done to one’spartner, not oneself, as an expression of marital love that could possibly bondthe couple deeper to each other. Ultimately, my opinion of such lovemakingcounts for nothing. Such decisions belong to the Lord, and each couple shouldseek their Lord for his answer.



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Toward an Answer

As is obvious from my confessions aboutmy difficulty in hearing from God, I am not some great man of God. I’mstumbling around like most Christians. I can’t make great moral pronouncements.All I can do is suggest points that you might consider praying about.

When smokers quit their habit, theytaste and smell things differently. Their previously jaded senses become morelike God intended them to be. Likewise, when one breaks the habit ofmasturbation, one’s spiritual senses and perception of morality are likely tochange. (Mine certainly did.) One is more likely to view sex through divinelysharpened spiritual senses.

Somehow, we need to break free from theway our own cravings can distort our ability to hear from God on a matter.Obviously, prayer is critical. There is also another help.

You have heard of fasting from food todraw closer to God and hear from him. Fasting from sex is similarly scriptural.Paul instructed that marrieds not cease marital relations “except by mutualconsent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer” (1 Corinthians 7:5). At Mount Sinai, the Lord told the Israelites toprepare for his appearance by abstaining from sexual relations. <a name="v1"></a>(<a href="http://net-burst.net/sexuality/v1.htm">Other examples.</a>)

I suggest you fast from masturbationand from all avoidable sources of non-marital sexual stimulation until anybondage to the habit is broken. What chance have we of hearing the Spirit’swhispers about masturbation when our bodies are crying out for masturbation andour minds are screaming that we cannot survive without it? It is surelydisrespectful to the Holy Sprit to not do what we can to quieten the incessantnagging of our bodies so that we can in stillness listen for anything he mighthave to say. It will probably take many weeks to get to that position ofstillness, but the required time will be a very small portion of your entirelife, and just how important to you is it that you don’t unknowingly fall intoperversion? If you find yourself so enslaved to Do-It-Yourself sex that youcan’t fast from it for a month, then that in itself suggests that you have aproblem. You were created and redeemed to be master of your body.

While fasting from masturbation youmight try a prayer something like this:

As millions mourn the degradation ofthe environment – your beautiful creation – give me your heart that I mightmourn the degradation of your precious gift of sex, the spoiling of which ruinsnot the area where we live, but our very selves; not just creation in general,but humanity itself, the crown of your creation.

My heart breaks that instead of youbeing showered with thanks and honor for your exquisite gift to humanity, youreel in pain as millions throughout history and throughout this globe have usedthe extravagance of your kindness to ruin their lives and the lives of theirvictims. Open my eyes to my own abuse of your holy gift. I cringe to think ofhow many times I’ve lusted or tried to incite lust in others, all the timehypocritically hiding my shame behind the illusion that others seem to havemade an even bigger mess of your gift. Have I a distorted view of sex because Ihave let legalism, the world or my own desires shout down the gentle whispersof your Spirit? Have I in selfish frustration almost cursed you because thesexual cravings I’ve foolishly inflamed could not find immediate gratification?Have I perverted your love gift into an occasion for selfishness? Shine yourlight in every dark corner of my life so that I might repent of everything Ishould repent of, and delight in everything I should delight in.

What matters is not what this webpagesays, or the world says, or my conscience says; all that matters is what yousay. At times you deem best, bring to my remembrance examples of occasions whenmy use of sex has pleased you, so that I might pursue such behavior, and showme instances when my use of sex have grieved you, so that my eyes might beopened and avoid repeating my sin.

I long to honor you for the holy giftof sex you have entrusted to me. Show me how.

You trusted me with your gift andI’ve abused your trust. I can give you nothing that you haven’t first given me,so my gifts to you are only shadows. Nevertheless, as my love-offering to you,I hand back to you your gift of sex, knowing that unlike the way I have treatedyou, you will never abuse my trust, knowing that your love compels you to dowith my gift to you only that for which I will be eternally thankful. Use mysexuality in the way you see fit. Even if that means I will never for the restof my life experience sexual pleasure, I know you will use my sexuality in afar superior way than I ever managed and that I will rejoice for eternity inthe love and wisdom of your choice for me.



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Encouragement

This webpage is devoted to a discussionof the morality of masturbation, not about how to break the habit.Nevertheless, it would be irresponsible of me to leave you floundering.Elsewhere, I have written extensively about how to find victory over the luststhat wage war on our souls. That’s the purpose of several of the links at theend of this page.

None of us need grovel in defeat. Untilyou find the victory that is yours in Christ, however, you need and deserveencouragement. I know what condemnation and despair sexual addiction caninduce, so I would like you to see this matter in its spiritual perspective.

Regardless of the conclusions of plainlogic, we are not real perverts like gays, bisexuals and harlots. Or are we? Every respectable,Bible-believing Christian regularly teeters on the edge of Pharisee-likeblindness to his/her own sin. What makes it disturbing to think of ourselves asbeing no less corrupt than other perverts is that Pharisees need someone tolook down on. Their self-worth hinges not on what Christ has done for them, buton maintaining a distorted view of reality. When in delighted scorn we eye thesins of others, our own sins fade so dangerously out of focus that we barelysee them. This is the intoxication of people who trust in their ownrighteousness rather than in Christ’s righteousness. It is then that the wordsof Jesus can become frighteningly applicable: “ . . . prostitutesare entering the kingdom of God ahead of you” (Matthew 21:31).

Like the great apostle Paul seeinghimself as the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15) – the lowest of the low; the worst of the worst – it is those who humblethemselves who will be exalted (Matthew 23:12). Imagine, afterhaving striven to near total exhaustion to reach our full potential, thinkingwe have almost arrived, and then suddenly learning we have barely begun thejourney. This is what it is like to see ourselves as we truly are. Thediscovery is so devastating as to make us want to give up in utter despair. Andyet there is a thrilling side to this truth. The fact that we have so far to gomeans that ahead of us are possibilities far more glorious than we ever dreamedof.

We are a fallen race. Spiritually, weeach entered this world with hideous birth defects. Trying to overcome ourspiritual defects is like someone born with severe physical deformitiesheroically battling to overcome all the handicaps. Although on one level theattempt might look pathetic, people have won for themselves worldly fame andhonor by battling physical handicaps to live close to normal lives. Likewise,we each have the potential to win eternal honor and acclaim by battling ourspiritual handicaps.

To attempt, with God’s help, tostruggle against the tide of worldly pressure and fleshly inadequacies torestore your sexuality to its divinely intended purity is such a noble taskthat the mere attempt brings you glory. It is like Scott’s Antarctic attempt.He neither achieved his goal of being the first person to the South Pole, norcompleted the return journey, nor even survived, and yet his trek has beenhailed as one on the greatest ever epics of human exploration and endurance. Hefailed and yet he persisted with a goal so challenging that the mere attemptmade him a hero.

It is not unusual for an explorertrekking through new territory to stumble. It might be an unpleasant hindrance,but what matters is not his falls but whether he keeps pressing on. It’s hisdetermination to keep forging deeper into virgin territory that makes him ahero, and his falls cannot detract from it. In fact, even if his progress seemsabysmal, the more setbacks he suffers, the more impressed people are when hekeeps trying.

If ordinary, self-centered people havethis attitude towards those who have the tenacity to keep trying despiteenormous failures, imagine how much more impressed God is when you keep trying.More than anyone in the universe, the God of infinite knowledge understandsjust how tough you find it. Moreover, love sees a person in the best possiblelight, and God loves you infinitely more than anyone else is capable of.

Micah 7:8 Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise.Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.

Proverbs 24:16 for though a righteous man falls seven times, he risesagain . . .

Despite the deceptive impression manyChristians give each other, you are not alone in your struggle. In fact, I’mbeginning to wonder how many of those Christians not currently battling somebesetting sin, are in that position not because they are holy but because theyhave given up the battle and allowed themselves to be blinded to their need tochange. Whether it be the sin of prayerlessness, lack of faith, or whatever, weall face new challenges that are usually overcome only after many failures. Mysuspicion is that millions of Christians have at some point in their Christianlives found themselves hopelessly addicted to solitary sex.

So as you battle the powerful addictionof solitary sex, you are in excellent company. Most Christians kept secret thefact that their mountain of failed attempts rose so high that they felt thatbreaking the habit was impossible. Most remained in bondage far longer thannecessary because they felt too much shame, not only to admit their problem tosomeone else, but even to admit it to God. Instead of viewing their Savior aseager to forgive and to help and encourage, they mistakenly imagined him aspointing the accusing finger. Christ didn’t suffer and die for yourforgiveness, to now turn around and condemn. Divine patience only runs thinwith those who give up trying to break free. Those who keep trying, make Godproud.

Those who hunger and thirst afterrighteousness will be honored and satisfied.

We are saved by faith. Tragically, somepeople cannot find salvation because they are so overwhelmed by the magnitudeof their sin that they cannot seem to muster the faith to believe God is bigenough to forgive them. After finding salvation, we never go beyond the need tokeep believing that God is big enough to forgive our sin. It would behypocritical to seek forgiveness without genuinely wanting to stop sinning. Wewere born again to be winners, not losers. Christ died to make us holy. Asoften as we truly want to give up our sin, however, God will truly forgive us.For us to doubt God’s eagerness to forgive is to insult our Savior.

We must avoid two dangers:

1. Giving up trying to find the victory Christ died to give us.

2. Giving up believing in the magnitude of Christ’s forgiveness.

Whether we try to abuse God’s grace orrefuse God’s grace, the consequences are equally grim.

Our Lord’s anger does indeed burnagainst those who are sinning and are unconcerned about it – regardless of whetherthey are consciously and willingly breaking God’s heart or whether, like thePharisees, they are living in denial of their sin. With those who arebroken-hearted over their sin, however, our Savior is not only not angry, he isever so close to them. The Lord is more excited about a single sinner who wantsto stop sinning than over ninety-nine righteous. He is far more delighted withthe tax collector who is overwhelmed by his sinfulness, than over the Phariseewith his long list of moral achievements. The Almighty declares blessings uponthose who mourn and who are conscious of their spiritual poverty. <a name="repent"></a><a href="http://net-burst.net/sexuality/repent.htm">(Related Scriptures)</a> The Amplified Bible puts Psalm 34:18 this way:

The Lord is closeto those who are of a broken heart, and saves those such as are crushed withsorrow for sin . . .

In our intimacy with God we should belike little children who are so aware of their father’s tender love thatwhenever they fall they instinctively look to their Daddy for love andunderstanding. Maybe you can only imagine a mother engendering such love andtrust. No problem. God is like the perfect mother as well as the perfect father(the biblical basis for this statement is expounded in a link at the end of thispage). No matter how tragic is your perception of a parent, however, don’t letit ruin your life by spoiling your understanding of God’s compassion. He is theGod of infinite comfort. He believes in you. He forgives and forgives andforgives because he loves and loves and loves. Your Savior is delighted everytime you run to him for forgiveness or consolation or strength or even when youtreat him as someone on whom to vent your frustration.

Picture the best father you can everimagine; the person with the biggest, softest heart on the planet. He isutterly devoted to his little boy and yet someone has been whispering lies tothe child, saying that unless the boy is perfect and never falls over, hisfather will hate him and treat him cruelly. Imagine how devastated this lovingfather would feel if, when his darling boy falls and hurts himself, the childshrinks in fear from his father, refusing to be comforted because he imaginesthat when he most needs a father’s love his father turns into a beast of a man.

The enemy of our souls continuallywhispers malicious lies about our God. Whenever we fall we need divine comfortand encouragement more than ever. Don’t break God’s heart by shrinking from himin fear or hiding from him in shame; treating him like some heartless beast;imagining that in his hand is a whip to beat us, when it is actually theworld’s softest handkerchief to dry our tears. Whenever you fall, run into thewelcoming, outstretched arms of the Lord who is devoted to you. Not only willhe console you, he will inspire you to victory.



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Finale

Unless reserving oneself for marriageincludes all sexual stimulation, it is shallow. The whole concept of savingoneself for marriage, however, is inadequate. We should seek purity, not forour sake, nor for a future partner’s sake, but for the Lord’s sake. Anythingelse is secondary. Our past might be regrettable. It might haunt us, making ourcurrent fight for purity so much harder. But what matters most is that from nowon we be pure for Jesus.

So is masturbation for the sexuallydeprived or the sexually depraved? I commenced this web series only because itwas meant to be one of the tiniest webpages I have ever written. To mysurprise, it seemed to take on a life of its own and has ended up not only growingin length but seeming more anti-masturbation than I had wanted. I am not somemoral authority. I neither created sex nor do I own your body. But I know theLord delights in breaking addictions and that when taken to the Lord, prolongedbattles with self-control promote spiritual growth.

I also know that if you masturbate,there is a good chance you can still have an excellent relationship with God.The Lord tolerated me masturbating thousands of times without any obviousimpact on my walk with him. This truth has two edges; one deeply reassuring,the other terrifying. Regardless of our awareness of sin in our lives, we areeach continually dependent upon the enormity of God’s grace that drives him torestrain his wrath and extend his period of tolerance of things within us thatturn his stomach. God loves you so much that he will go to astounding lengthsto overlook your shortcomings. The terrifying aspect is that the Lord alsotolerated, in a famous evangelist, sexual fantasies, pornography and the use ofprostitutes (I don’t know if this involved actual intercourse – it probablydidn’t, which helped him justify his sin). I wonder how many of us havehypocritically despised such men, while we have been dangerously ignorant ofhow we ourselves are testing the Lord’s patience to the same extreme. Our holyLord tolerated this man’s sin so much that for years he was used of God tosweep more souls into the kingdom and minister to more Christians in a singleday than most of us will achieve in a lifetime. But the Lord had the last word.This man was reduced to devastating worldwide shame, and even that was themercy of God because it forced him to confront his sin this side of eternaljudgment. God’s tolerance is intended to lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4), not to the abuse of God’s grace.

One’s personal battle with masturbationcan be won, and the spoils of war available to the victor are significant. Thebiggest battlefield is fantasy and what one lets in through the eye. Controlthat, and the stranglehold of masturbation will significantly weaken.Masturbating while thinking of, or looking at sexual things, is like combiningsugar and chocolate. People who crave commercial chocolate do not usually findthe bitter taste of sugarless chocolate particularly nice. Neither would theyfind eating spoonfuls of sugar very enticing. When the ingredients areseparated, they are easier to resist. Likewise, if you refuse to combinesolitary sex with wrong thoughts and sights, solitary sex will be much easierto control.

Those who promote solo-sex remind me of2 Peter 2:19:

They promise themfreedom, while they themselves are slaves . . . for a man is aslave to whatever has mastered him.

Christ died that we might rule. He wasbound to the cross to set us free from everything that keeps people bound.

Romans 6:19 . . .Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and toever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousnessleading to holiness.

Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and donot let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom toindulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

1 Peter 2:16 Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil;live as servants of God.

In Christ you were born to be free.Live a joy-filled life consistent with the purity and mastery over self that isyours in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoidsexual immorality; (4) that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that isholy and honorable, (5) not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; (7)For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. (8) Therefore, he whorejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his HolySpirit.</p>